Double Take - University to introduce Jack Wills uniform

Fabulously..oh, wait...

Welfare representatives from across the university have welcomed this move, as it is thought that the wearing of Jack Wills increases social mobility, confidence and also increase the height of a student’s hair.

A spokesperson for the bid, Henry Thrumptington-Larksthrush commented: “People feel left out and inferior if they’re not wearing the latest Jack Wills, it’s truly awful. We just want to give everyone the chance to feel as amazing as we do every day. Only last week a student was stabbed in the eye with a lacrosse stick for his casually stylish and fabulously British Jack Wills trackie bottoms. We need to stop this injustice and stop the bullying.”

The uniform will consist of mix-and-match hooded sweatshirts, tracksuit bottoms, tweed jackets and padded gilets. All items of clothing will be unisex as Jack Wills shop assistant Tallulah Amplebosom explained: “We want to encourage boys and girls to swap their clothes around, because it’s really super-cool if you’re wearing your boyfriend’s hoody or tie or whatever. It’s like, totally individual.”

Any student found not to be wearing an item of clothing with the Jack Wills logo on it will be given a verbal warning, increasing to a written warning and severe disciplinary action if the offences continue. When asked about whether any students would oppose the change, Mr Thrumptington-Larksthrush said: “Why would they do that? We’re giving them the chance to wear Jack Wills every day for God’s sake man. The little buggers should be grateful.”

After objections from the Graduate Student’s Association, postgraduates have been granted the right to wear uniform from Aubin and Wills instead. After complaints that Jack Wills is often the label of choice for most 12 – 15 year olds, Aubin and Wills was chosen as a more mature and sophisticated compromise.

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