Ever been kissed?

A student from South East Asia once inquired – after fastidiously observing a particularly debauched Wednesday in Ziggy's – what it means to kiss someone in Britain? And this proved a difficult question to answer. It was concluded that a lot of the time, kissing is quite meaningless.

Font of wisdom Wikipedia defines kissing in Western cultures as: “An expression of romantic affection or sexual desire.”

However, this definition seems off target. Has drunkenly kissing some sweaty stranger on a night out anything to do with romantic affection or sexual desire?

Whilst it would be an injustice to presume all of Britain to be smacker happy, tonsil tennis champions, it is nonetheless disquieting to think that the act of kissing someone is so often entirely removed from romance or sexual attraction, whilst in many other countries the situation is quite different.

This aforementioned South East Asian student said that where she comes from it is normal to wait weeks or months to kiss someone, even when in an official relationship, and that, as a girl in her twenties, she has many friends who are yet to experience their first kiss. Whilst kissing before dating is not unheard of, she said that it is not really spoken of. Kissing when not in a relationship is seen as “slutty”.

We asked this student, and another from Cyprus, whether they know people in their countries who have kissed more than ten people. “No!” was the answer from the South East Asian student; she had heard of people having kissed about five, although no one she knew directly. The Cypriot student said that she had quite a few friends who were more liberal with their lips, but only really since they’d come to study in Britain.

It seemed pointless to ask any English students whether they knew people who had kissed more than ten people. However, all those who were willing to respond to the question, “Have you kissed ten or more people?” answered in the affirmative, and these were not people chosen for their notorious harlotry.

But what do the men have to say about all this? A male Turkish student compared his pulling methods in England with his methods at home.

About the English he said: “You don’t need to do any work. Even the cheesiest lines will do.”

And about the Turkish: “You could maybe find a girl to kiss.”

This student admitted to having kissed up to four girls on a night out in England, but only ever one in Turkey. And it seems we make this libertine loving quite possible.

He made the point that less is more in England, in that the more you try to talk to the girl, the more you are procrastinating the passion: “The more you talk to a girl, the less she wants you.” This seems to say a lot about our attitudes to kissing. The wish to get to know a nice guy, and maybe end up kissing him, and the wish to just kiss someone – anyone! – are apparently two very different wishes.

Thinking back to the idea that a kiss is “an expression of romantic affection or sexual desire”, can a kiss on a night out be seen as either of these things? If it is true that conversation kills the mood, then it is surely not anything to do with romantic affection. And indeed, after a few trebles in the Nag’s, is sexual attraction really anything to do with it either, or is just the beer goggles?

So what does it mean to kiss someone in Britain? Still a difficult question to answer. Having asked some British students what causes them to kiss a stranger on a night out various responses came back: “Because I’m drunk and horny!”, “Because he attacked my face and I couldn’t say no!”

Another male student, this time British, when asked whether eye contact and dancing or pleasant conversation was the more effective pulling tactic, said: “Chatting leads more easily to a better, more meaningful kiss, but if you want a relatively quick pull dancing is better.”

Why we ever want a “quick pull” when we know it’s just because we’re drunk, and we know we’re never going to talk to or see this – often anonymous – person again is another quandary entirely. It seems, however, that there is something of an unwritten code in Britian. Just as our South East Asian friend told us that kissing when not dating is accepted as slutty where she comes from, here it seems we have accepted that a kiss varies in importance depending on its circumstances. Whether you’ve had cause to thoroughly deconstruct the meaning of a kiss before or not, luckily, we seem to know the difference between a “quick pull” and a meaningful kiss.

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