Arts feature: watch these films... but only once

Every so often, we have the dubious pleasure of seeing a film that we know is excellent – the acting is spot-on, the directing is fabulous, the music is stirring – but we also know we never want to watch it again. The reasons vary: it could be that it made us change our underpants afterwards, or that it made us want to experience the sensation of a frying pan hitting our skull, or that we couldn’t shake the feeling we’d just been mugged. Regardless, we instinctively know that, however much our inner Scorsese praises it, we will avoid it like the plague. Here is a chosen list of films that you should watch once in your life, but, for the sake of your mental health, never more than once.

Dirty Harry (1974)

Clint Eastwood’s first attempt at the crime drama has been widely hailed as a masterwork; DVD ownership of which marks you out as a real, moustachioed man’s man to be reckoned with. Perhaps that’s because only people who are tough-as-nails can watch it without having a nervous breakdown. Clint’s Harry Callahan chases a murderer through San Francisco, and on the way people get shot in swimming pools; children are shot in the face; women are kidnapped and murdered. Without giving too much away, Harry himself is so disgusted by the whole affair the he puts his own future in doubt. Society is left without any redeeming qualities, just a stream of dead bodies.

No Country for Old Men (2007)

Yes, the Oscar-winning direction was excellent. Yes, Javier Bardem was awesome as that creepy assassin with the unpronounceable name. No, it should not be seen more than once. West Texas has always been a violent spot, we are told; and this latest bout of hydraulic murders is nothing new. As the story of a drug deal gone bad unfolds, we see that the innocent are inescapably murdered or corrupted, but mostly murdered. The wise old law men become depressed and useless. The bad guys get away without a trace (spoiler). And we never get a satisfying conclusion after all that tension. But you should still see it – just ‘cos.

Get Carter (1971)

Seen as a landmark in the history of British filmmaking, Michael Caine plays a gangster returning to his Newcastle roots to avenge his murdered brother. As you would expect, there is gang violence, teen prostitution, and many murders set against the grim industrial cityscape. What makes the film so bleak, however, is the final chase sequence. Carter is sick of the turn his life has taken, but unlike Dirty Harry he doesn’t get to walk away. The life lesson: there is no escape, it’s all turgid and indiscriminate and you will never get out. Rather than personifying a particular way of life, though, an entire region is encapsulated. If you’re from Newcastle, it will make you want to move.

Doctor Zhivago (1965)

Yuri Zhivago has it all. He’s a published poet with a thriving medical practice, a loving wife, and a Stalinist brother trying to subvert the Tsar’s government. Who could want more? As the Russian Revolution unfolds before his eyes, Yuri conducts an affair with beautiful hospital worker Lara, because things obviously aren’t complicated enough. Through a series of complex and interrelated incidents, his life is dismantled and he travels through war-torn Russia. You begin to sense that happiness really is forever out of reach for the poor old romantic, and the film’s ending seems to almost literally confirm it. Beautiful and soul-crushing in equal parts.

American History X (1998)

The chronicle of one man’s fall into violent Nazism and his equally troubled return to a life of peace and compassion. The redemption is never complete, however, as the violence of his former life doesn’t wash off easily. If you haven’t seen this film, what have you been doing with your teenage years? A modern tragedy, which seems cruel almost for no reason. But it still needs to be seen, if only so that you’ll know what everybody else is talking about.

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