The best and the worst of the competitors’ band names for BoB 2009.
On Friday night two of my dreams will be coming true: I will be both Hermione Granger and a Zombie.
The Yorker gives you the rundown of what's Hot and what's Not in Freshers' Fortnight.
In my opinion kids today have become far too spoilt with the likes of Playstation 3 and the dubious sounding Wii (it sounds like wee!). Sure the graphics are amazing and you can truly immerse yourself in virtual reality, but whatever happened to Sonic and Super Mario Land 1? Old school games are definitely Hot. The new games consoles are great but seriously overpriced, and let's face it, they couldn’t possibly have anything on the Nintendo 64 or the good old Gameboy. I’m suggesting that we all remind ourselves of the games we know and love old school Zelda, Super Mario and Pokemon. We can instantly be transported back to a time where the most important things we had to worry about was when we were going to face ‘The Boss’, or get to level 13. Getting ‘retro’ is Hot.
Of course, if you don't own a retro console, you could always check out The Yorker's very own Games Section!
In case you’re a bit confused I am referring to the NHS advert displaying raunchy scenes of passion. All seems good; then you notice they are wearing belts, underwear and jewellery emblazoned with the words ‘Gonorrhea’ and ‘Chlamydia’. This might seem really odd but every time I see this advert, all I can think of is how cool the accessories are. I mean just imagine the comedy value of walking into a bar with a giant belt buckle saying ‘I’ve got Gonorrhea’. Who could deny turning heads is Hot... even if it is because everyone thinks you’re riddled with some very nasty diseases! I am completely convinced that this trend is going to catch on, whether or not the NHS intended this is debateable…
Picture this. You’re sitting on the bus knowing you’re running late for a six hour shift in the job you hate, so you start to read the agony aunt section of your favourite magazine. Your life suddenly starts to appear not so bad. As you skim over the terrible tales of woe about some poor soul who doesn’t know what a blow job is, or even worse somebody asking ‘is it normal that I spread peanut butter over myself, then call for my dog?’ you suddenly conclude that things could be worse. Much worse.
We read these stories then realise our lives aren’t so bad after all, that little window of hope just has to be Hot.
I was reminded of how bladder infections are so horrific when I came back from town and heard a faint whining from the toilet. I went to investigate and found my housemate bent double on the toilet with a carton of cranberry juice and a philosophy book; she was obviously there for the long haul. She had what doctors call ‘the honeymoon infection’. For those who have never been subjected to this traumatising abdominal torture, try inserting a razorblade into your urinary tract. Then try and wee it straight back out...
I don’t think it needs to be expanded any further; it may feel Hot but it most certainly is Not.
Being skint and without any form of transport, there are times when I have to rely on a taxi to get around. Some taxi drivers are ok; a select few are actually quite nice. However when you get a bad taxi driver, you certainly know about it. You first notice the hostile atmosphere upon getting into the car often followed by the comment ‘you a student?’ This is when you know you’ve got a bad egg. The short journey often ends up in a hot-headed debate about students being tax-grabbing morons.
If you haven’t got a grumpy one then you might be unfortunate enough to get a scary one. The kind that stares at your legs, talks about sex and smells faintly of stale sweat and cigarettes. These are the moments when you actually consider the merits of jumping out of the moving car, and rolling James Bond-style onto the road. To all the awesome taxi drivers out there I salute you, but to all the bad eggs out there being moody or just damn right terrifying is Not Hot.
Ok boys, I admit a little scratching or ‘rearranging’ can sometimes be necessary, and I would never try to underplay the torment of those pesky nips and itches. However my more understanding side was seriously tested last week. We were stuck in Manchester on probably the coldest night ever, so having nowhere else to go we sought shelter in a grotty little café. I felt I was seriously putting my life in danger ordering a cheese and ham toastie. This was made even worse when I noticed the waiter was swaggering around… with his hand down his pants. There are two major things wrong with this: one, what on earth was he doing; and two, why do it at work, so blatantly in front of customers? All you guys out there reading this and feeling slightly guilty, it really must be said this is Not Hot.
I can play Mario Kart 64 and the original Sonic the Hedgehog on my Wii... How technology has progressed! 
Plus, Mario Kart Wii is ace...
You forgot to plug The Yorker's own games section! 
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