James Arden checks out the garage rockers latest album.
The Christian rock band from Brighton bring religion to the masses.
Recipe for modern R'n'B album: liberal helpings of guest rappers and an overdose of sexual euphemisms.
Well I wasn’t sure what to expect from Under the Mistletoe. While my sister’s a big fan, the musical taste of a nine year old is a fickle vessel in which to place one’s faith. So, in search of something merry to spice up the usual, tired, end-of-year tunage, I lent my ears, for 37 minutes, to the seasonal stylings of Justin Bieber. That's a 37 minute Christmas teen-pop extravaganza. Bit risky under normal circumstances, but I’ve worked in retail; my tolerance should be strong.
Warning: The following songs contain strongly reinforced themes of mistletoe, being under it and wishing that you were with someone special this holiday season.
So, 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town', but judging by the accompanying video, our Justin’s more interested in the admin side of things at the Pole, as his plasticine-self prances about with Santa’s stock taker, Kris. And I’m sure the part where he instructs us to ‘shake it, shake it baby’ wasn’t in the original…
With Usher’s professional assistance, he almost turns Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire into a touching, Mariah-Carey-esque R&B ballad. I say almost - it was a close one, until the bizarre electric guitar solo - a misplaced hat-tip to Slade? Or an attempt to cover all bases of Christmas anthems past?
Not to be usurped as chief balladeer of festive cheer, the lady Carey herself chimes in with the mother of all Christmas love songs for the umpteenth rendition. I can only assume her annual renditions of this tired track are motivated by a real-life, several year stint of badly misjudged gifts: can you guys just take the hint and get her some decent presents? This time, the number adds a post-modern twist, with a speedy tempo. I know, edgy...
When it came to 'Fa La La', I was really starting to worry. One fairly predictable cover with extra cheese down, I didn’t know how much more festive fromagerie I could take. Mercifully, he’d written this one all by himself. Bless. Not sure whether “I’ll deck your heart with boughs of holly” is a chat-up line or a threat. It’s quite an offer at any rate, but not one that featured on my Christmas list.
Moreover, I never got on with 'The Drummer Boy' in traditional form, but this rendition absolutely made the album for me. Something about Bieber’s earnest tone as he rumpapumpums over Busta Rhymes’ irreverent and irrelevant rapping about chinchillas and going psycho really epitomised modern-day Christmas spirit for me. That, and the fact that most of the lyrics don’t make any sense - they just scan. I’m not surprised (as the song suggests) I didn’t hear this in the Bible - although perhaps slightly disappointed. It’s the funniest Christmas song I’ve ever heard. Go and listen to it, now.
So, in short, a couple of crackers (forgive the pun), but it’s fair to say, were I in possession of a hard copy of this album, I would have no trouble in mustering the spirit of giving.
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