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It was a sad week watching The X Factor. As all 12 finalists mimed their way through their ‘will-inevitably-end-up-at-number-1’ charity single, Michael Jackson’s ‘You Are Not Alone’ (two words: too soon), I realised I was happier to see the eliminated acts over the remaining ones.
My eyes lit up seeing Lucie and Miss Frank again, and I was even pleased to see Rachel, who is still as interesting as a slice of toast. Now added to my pile is Jamie, who finally delivered the show-stopping performance I was craving from him – one night too late.
‘The Show Must Go On’ reminded me why I’d supported this guy in the first place. Why did he settle for an average ‘Radio Gaga’ on performance night, when he had it in him to send chills up and down people’s spines so effectively? You must be playing all the wrong hands if you start out with the extreme support Jamie did (facebook him and you’ll see what I mean) and somehow drive it all away. With better song strategies, this guy could have made it to the finale.
I hate that this show is turning me into such a cynic, because I’m not. I want to shine a spotlight on the positive, because this is entertainment television, and once it stops being fun, what’s the point?
Stacey tackled a whopper of a song – ‘Who Wants to Live Forever’ is a vocal masterclass with a tragic heartfelt message. The fact that it was the only performance to give me goosebumps is telling of how successful she was.
Lloyd, despite his bottom two appearance was...how should I put this...not terrible. In the grand scheme of things, he wasn’t good per se, but (to steal Simon’s phrasing) in ‘Lloydland’ it was up there. It may have also been the only song which perfectly suited his range – something very difficult to find, we’ve discovered.
John & Edward stayed safe following a clever mash-up of ‘Under Pressure/Ice Ice Baby’ (although, I’m with Dannii here – isn’t Louis a hypocrite for going on about ‘rules’ and then having his own act sing Vanilla Ice on Queen night?). When they’re doing their white-boy rapping, the twins are surprisingly in their element. It’s like an early 90s revival of PJ and Duncan – and that is potentially commercially viable (oh God, look at me – I’m in Simon Cowell’s brain).
The letdowns? Joe took Lloyd’s place in putting me to sleep. Singing ‘Somebody to Love’, one of the most popular Queen songs, he made it sound monotonous. Seriously, who has the energy to find convincing reasons to vote for this guy each week? Similarly, I still feel like Danyl Johnson is exceeding my RDAs resulting from judge force-feeding (see what I did there?) because his ‘We Are the Champions’ was screechy and frankly anti-climactic – the killer chorus ended up being the most boring part. Olly’s broken finger must have made him paranoid about his dancing on stage, because it seemed like all his efforts were going into that. Granted, the choreography was great, but the singing...? Probably his weakest.
As I said last week, the competition could go to anyone: more because they’re all equally dull than equally good. Aside from Stacey, for whom I still harbour a soft spot, I don’t see myself being particularly thrilled by any one of the remaining six acts winning it. And for a season of The X Factor which started off looking like the most promising, it’s such a huge letdown.
Whoops, I’ve ended up in Cynicville again. I guess that’s the nature of having a love-hate relationship with reality TV.
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