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Welcome to The Yorker’s first TV showdown, where likeminded programmes go head to head. In this showdown, we pit the nation’s flagship Northern soaps, Coronation Street and Emmerdale, against each other, so it makes sense that the first category should be…
Now, here, I’m not talking about which location is, geographically, the furthest North. Instead, I’m talking about how Northern the characters are. In the case of Emmerdale, not very. (Prior to appearing on Emmerdale, most of the cast thought Yorkshire was just a brand of tea.) The cast of Coronation Street, on the other hand, are much more Northern, in both their origins and their customs, and they have ‘baths’ and not ‘barths,’ so win hands down.
Scores: CS – 9/10 E – 1/10
This is much tougher. Normally, it’s Emmerdale that's the most downright ridiculous, with plane crashes and killer lightning storms, and many many blackmail plots where no one ever thinks to call the police. (Although, judging by the number of murderers still living in the village, they may, understandably, lack faith in the police’s abilities.) But, recently, with its issue-led Jackson storyline, it hasn’t left much opportunity for daftness. Having said that, whenever they cut to the sweet factory, it loses whatever ounce of credibility it had. (Seriously, who makes the sweets? Oompa-Loompas? And has a conveyor belt ever moved so slowly?) Corrie is, typically, the more rational one but, since the spectacular tram crash, they do seem to have been running short of ideas, with storylines becoming increasingly silly. From Becky doing a Jack Nicholson Shining impression, to Jim McDonald’s hilarious “put the money in the baaahhg” bank robbery, Corrie seems desperate to out-silly everyone else, so it does.
Scores – CS – 8/10 E – 7/10
Coronation Street has its fair share of people to dislike, but it also has likeable characters in abundance: Roy, Hayley, Sylvia, Mary, Steve, Julie, Eileen… Emmerdale’s got… well, the countryside always looks nice.
Scores – CS – 8/10 E – 2/10
The opening credits sequences of both soaps have undergone disastrous changes recently. Corrie was the first at the end of May 2010, using blurred images and unnecessary shots of Manchester: they’re a definite case of style over substance. However, they are BAFTA-worthy in comparison to Emmerdale’s newly unveiled sequence. The remixed theme tune sounds like thought it would be a good idea to swap the notes around, and the images are dizzying to watch. And as for the logo, it makes Emmerdale look like an advert for a tacky holiday village.
Scores – CS – 9/10 E – 10/10
Now this is the toughest category of them all. In Corrie, there are more cases of extreme drinking. Barely a week goes by without someone spending the whole day in the pub before then assaulting someone, or breaking Ken and Deirdre’s windows. In Emmerdale, there are fewer instances of this, but an awful lot more ‘casual’ drinking. Everyone flocks to the pub at lunchtime and in the evening (you’d think they’d stay into watch their own show!). Once there, everyone has an alcoholic drink - while Roy Cropper’s on orange juice in Weatherfield, Edna Birch is getting merry on sherry! When they’re not in the pub, they’re hosting a drunken showdown… sorry, party, or they’re having a lad’s/girl’s night in with some cans/ a bottle of wine, so I think the villagers just edge out the… streeters?
Scores – CS – 7/10 E – 9/10
CS – 41/50 E – 29/50 Winner: Coronation Street
Despite a last-minute flourish, Emmerdale just couldn’t get over the fact that it paints a picture of as un-Northern a Yorkshire as is possible, or the fact that nobody would care if somebody planted a nuclear bomb in The Woolpack and killed all the inhabitants. But that just wouldn’t happen in the country, would it? Would it?
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