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When it was confirmed that not one, not two, but three of The X Factor judges would be replaced for this series, with Louis Walsh being the only survivor, I was worried I’d have to search for something else to occupy my weekend evenings until Christmas. But, after watching Saturday night’s opening auditions show, I can honestly say, that I need not bother because, to reiterate the increasingly enthusiastic voiceover man, “Britain, it’s back!”, and I’m hooked already.
To say that the new judges were a success is like saying that Simon Cowell has got a bit of an ego. While I had feared that changing ¾ of the judges would be too severe a change, if anything, it was because of this severity, that the show felt fresh and exciting once more. So now let’s give those judges a taste of their own medicine, and assess them one by one.
Let’s start with Gary Barlow: he proved to be a terrific addition to the panel, filling in Simon’s role in more ways than one. He sits in Simon’s seat, he holds up his hand with that air of smug authority, and he’s quite nasty, but not in Simon’s ‘You know what, I swallowed a cliché dictionary in series 4’ kind of way; instead, he gave some sharp, bitingly funny ripostes that proves that Simon’s teeth aren’t needed for the show to shine.
Moving to the left of Gary, we have, the rather generously labelled “international pop superstar”, Kelly Rowland and, as with Gary, it took her no time at all to leave an impression. I particularly liked how feisty she came across; she may as well have said “You wanna piece o’ me” to the brain donor of an auditionee at the end of the episode. And it’s a real bonus that she can sing. No matter how much I liked Dannii and (until she booted off Gamu) Cheryl, it was difficult not to snigger as they told people that they needed to improve their vocals.
Tulisa was perhaps the judge that most people were ready to dislike; the way the media have reported her appointment, it’s like Camilla’s taken over from Diana all over again. But she too was immensely likeable and, refreshingly, normal. And yes, she’s got a gob on her, but would she have been so interesting if she hadn’t? Furthermore, she and Kelly complement each other really well; seemingly the only similarity between them is that they are both women.
And finally Louis. Well, he’s… Louis, apart from the fact that he didn’t tell anybody they’d nailed it; it did concern me, I’ll have to admit, and I would suggest he see someone about it if those nails don’t return in the coming weeks.
So that’s the judges done and dusted (not that they really needed dusting because they’re so wonderfully new), let’s move onto the contestants. It has to be said that they did, understandably, play second fiddle this week – we only got to see about 5 of them – but what we did see was encouraging. The particular standout was the adorable Janet Devlin, who had the most beautiful voice and such a sweet personality; she’s already soared to the top of my ‘Who I’d like to Win’ list, though she’ll no doubt lose out to some 18 year old prettyboy with an average voice. For some reason that makes me think of the show’s first contestant, Frankie...
Before I go over my word limit yet further, I’d like to talk about my other favourite contestant, 30 year old housewife Wendy, who walked onto the stage with her bobcut and rectangular frames, saying that she hoped to be the UK’s Britney Spears, before proceeding to ‘sing’ Kate Bush. All I can say to her, and the new, rejuvenated juggernaut that is The X Factor, it’s a yes from me.
The X Factor auditions continue Saturday 8pm ITV1.
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