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Latest articles from this section

Gabriel Macht

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Sherlock: The Reichenbach Fall

Sherlock: 'The Reichenbach Fall'

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Torchwood Miracle Day blog: 'The Blood Line'

Torchwood Miracle Day: The Blood Line
Sunday, 18th September 2011

Oh dear. You know it hasn’t been a great series when you only watch the final episode for the sake of completeness; tuning in for Torchwood’s finale this week was like having scoffed three-quarters of a packet of biscuits in one go and thinking, “Pfft, might as well finish the lot now.” After enduring nine long episodes that meandered around hospitals, pharmaceutical companies and Captain Jack’s love interests, it would be plain madness to miss the conclusion, even if all feelings of excitement had all since dissipated.

But in all honesty, it was a tremendous episode, tying up virtually all loose ends of the rapidly unravelling Torchwood yarn. Even the incidental music made one final, heroic attempt to be heard under Gwen’s wallowing (nothing says ‘tender moment’ like abrasive power chords!), before welling up to a crescendo as Torchwood made it to The Blessing on both sides of the world: two secret lairs buried deep underground, complete with evil villains, but without fluffy white cats. Here, it was explained that The Blessing was a vacuum, sucking in Jack’s blood (and probably that spare change you lost down the back of the sofa), and distributing immortality to the entire world.

So where was the CIA whilst this was happening? Under the impression that Rex and Esther had been obliterated in Buenos Aires, Shapiro scanned for the mole in the department. Oh, come on, it was so obviously Charlotte – she could have grown a long pointy nose and begun digging tunnels under the office, and they still wouldn’t have noticed. As soon as her name pops up on the mole-detector screen, Shapiro spots the little explosive present she’s left behind for them. His last words? “Oh, f**k.”

Oswald Danes didn’t make it to the end either, in a similar fashion, as he explodified himself taking out the bad guys in Shanghai. Russell T Davies gave Oswald the best exit he could have hoped for, ensuring that character redemption was still not an option, even at the very end. “All the bad little girls are going to hell, and I’m following!” Oswald bellowed, and, finger on trigger, the best character of the series went up in flames. Bravo, Mr Pullman, bravo.

And yet Rex made it through, despite undergoing an entire blood transfusion and letting The Blessing hoover up his and Jack’s blood with some very nice CGI. “Nooo!” the baddies cried, as their evil lair of capitalism and extreme right-wing views collapsed around them; “Noooo!” cried Gwen, as she and Jilly had a fantastically choreographed face-off in a battle for the lift; “Noooo!” we cried, as we saw Charlotte of all people, singing hymns at poor, squeaky Esther’s funeral in the next scene. But it wasn’t long before Rex and some gun-wielding funeral guests caught up with the leak, and she was promptly turned into a human colander in what I assume was meant to be Russell T Davies’ idea of a happy ending.

So the world got back to normal, apart from Jack of course, and that’s where it should have ended. But that’s the thing, it hasn’t ended: Rex’s newly discovered immortality raises all sorts of questions (Jack and Rex: life partners for eternity?), and the Three Families are still employing Jilly, meaning those ten bloody long hours you just watched? All a test run. They’re going to try alllll over again. My last words? “Oh, f**k.”

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