The X Factor blog: Boot Camp

For the last 5 weeks, we’ve all been hopelessly sucked in, and completely manipulated, by the latest series of the country’s biggest TV show. And now, the serious stuff starts… it’s Boot Camp! There will be tears… tantrums… swooping cinematography… and Coldplay’s ‘Fix You’. It’s time. To face. The music!

So that was Peter Dickson’s marvellously OTT introduction over with, and episode 1 of this weekend’s extremely busy X Factor double bill was underway. But, as the coach-loads of contestants were taken to a stunning country mansion, the “new generation” of judges decided (i.e. the producers told them) to cull a quarter of them before they’d even sung again.

So, after saying tubby bye-bye to a great bunch of contestants who we’ve never actually seen before, it was finally time to start the most brutal boot camp EVERRRRR. Now, say I’m being pedantic, but when they said “brutal”, I had visions of the contestants being shut in a room for 4 hours, forced to listen to Cheryl Cole sing acoustic, before then having to sing while suspended over a vat of Jedward’s hair gel. Instead, Brutal Challenge No. 1 was: we’re putting you into groups and you’re each going to sing a bit of a song, while swaying from side to side when it’s not your turn. Well, there’s always next year…

What ensued was the usual mix of people scrapping, the girls being the best, and kids saying that it was the most important day of their life since they last handed their homework in. It was all compulsive viewing as per, despite quibbles such as Gary saying “I’m really concerned about the groups” every five minutes, and the judges struggling to comprehend why 16 year old Luke couldn’t quite manage Jessie J.

Finally, they got them all back on stage and said ‘yes’ to all the people we’ve actually met and ‘no’ to everyone else. However, in a shock turn of events, the judges decided it would be a good idea to put the prettiest of the rejected solo artists into groups, allowing them to stay in the competition. Interesting, they’ve never done that before…

Episode 2 involved less faffing around and more actual, you know, singing. Brutal Challenge No. 2 was basically the same as an audition, just in front of a few more people, and there were some superb performances, most notably from Misha Bryan and Janet Devlin. There were few truly disappointing turns in this second round, though I did feel sorry for Tony Winstanley, who buckled under the pressure; it was a real shame, as he’d been so good in the first challenge, despite performing in such a way that he looks like he’s constantly trying to dodge a very persistent wasp.

Thankfully, the judges still kept him in, as the contestants were whittled down to the 32 that we’ve been shown more than a few seconds of. There was another twist in store, though, as two of the girl groups that the judges had put together were turned down, only for two girls from each group to be called back again and put in another new group. I used to be indecisive…

All that was left then was for the judges to find out the categories they will be mentoring. Gary got the boys, Kelly got the girls, Tulisa got the groups, and Louis got the overs. I’d say better luck next time to Louis, but the only times he hasn’t had the overs are when he’s had the groups or Shayne Ward.

That wrapped up an exhilarating, and exhausting, X Factor weekend. And, from next week’s trailer, it looks like the judges’ houses stage is going to be just as much of a rollercoaster. It would be advisable to stock up on sandbags beforehand, however, as it looks like there’s a very strong chance of flooding.

See the impossibly beautiful judges' houses on Saturday 7.30pm and Sunday 7.45pm ITV1.

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