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I often worry that I won’t have enough to write about in these blogs; this week, I could have written a thousand words before Saturday’s show even started. With Frankie booted off/ leaving of his own accord (whichever it was, yeeeeeessssss!), the question was who would replace him. Would it be Johnny? Would it be Jade? No, the powers that set golden rules said. It’s going to be one of the acts that was unfairly dismissed in the first live show. Controversial!
While it’s easy to criticise this move, it did allow, in a result that was as shocking as Michael being named the best of the Jackson Five, the amazing Amelia to return. So life isn’t all bad, af… oh, I’m sorry, I appear to be experiencing technical difficulties; Gary has sapped all the energy out of my computer…
Ah! It’s alive again!
So apart from featuring more controversy than you could shake Louis’ rule book at, there was still plenty to enjoy, with some cracking performances. Not least from Amelia, but she was upstaged by an earlier, faultless performance from Craig, whose rendition of ‘Paparazzi’ was quite breath-taking.
In truth, the other contestants were a bit of a mixed bag. For no apparent reason it was Lady Gaga vs. Queen night, and this caused problems because A) Queen songs are really boring when sung by other people (and sometimes when sung by Queen themselves…). And B) It’s daft to have a Gaga theme when the contestants mainly favour ballads. Then, the ones that don’t (ahem, Little Mix) are criticised for not doing a ballad.
This brings me nicely onto the judges. Last week, I said I would lend Gary a spade to dig out his sense of humour; this week, I think I’ll take it back and batter him over the head with it. His clever comments from the auditions seem to have eloped with aforementioned sense of humour, and I honestly think Patrick Moore would be more interesting.
When lovely Janet came on who, once again, sang really well, Gary just said she was predictable. Then came Marcus, who basically did the same performance as last week but in the week before’s Halloween theme. The other judges told him straight, but Gary started screaming: “tactical critique!” You honestly did not want to be within a mile of me at that point; I’m told that they’ll have my TV fixed in time for the final.
Going back to Janet, Tulisa, having told her to stick to ballads last week, said this week that doing a ballad was predictable, and that she would have to be in a particular mood to listen to her album. Uh, isn’t that the case with any album? And, with respect to predictability, I don’t think you find many artists doing radically different styles with each song. If you put an N’Dubz or Take That album on, for instance, you pretty much know what you’re going to get…
In all this hullabaloo, I’ve forgotten that Kitty was the unfortunate evictee this week (I did nearly miss the result itself after nodding off during One Direction’s one-note performance). But it was an outcome as shocking as a carrot being eliminated from a competition to find the nation’s favourite green vegetable, wasn’t it? (I’ve really raided my simile bank this week.) What about Misha being in the bottom again, though? Maybe all those humble nods, hands on heart and baby-voiced speeches haven’t paid off after all.
Next week, last year’s runner-up (she should have won!) Rebecca Ferguson will be back to perform her new single! But there’s no news as yet as to what the week’s theme will be. Coldplay v S Club 7? Adele v Cliff Richard? Whatever it is, I give Louis three minutes before he says “I’m the only impartial judge.” Not that he’s predictable…
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