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With major cast changes afoot, Jacob Martin ponders whether Being Human can live up to its own scarily high standard.
Contributed to The Yorker's Advent Calendar by the TV section.
Christmas TV adverts
Love them, hate them, want to cover them in brandy and set fire to them, Christmas adverts are an integral part of television at this time of year. From the John Lewis cinematic epic, to the latest Morrisons celebrity endorsements, companies will stop at nothing to get you to buy their stuff. Here are just some of the many masterpieces already gracing our screens:
Have you ever had one of those days where after a hard day's posturing, the only thing on your mind is consuming your own weight in reheated frozen food? Iceland thinks you do. I'm not entirely sure who Stacey Solomon is (nor do I care), but she's just so damn excited about those new Hoisin Duck Christmas Trees (only £3! Oh boy!), she bursts into a christmas song with the lamest lyrics I've ever heard. What's even better - or worse - is that it's lifted from some other sap.
Always a masterclass in exquisite gender stereotyping, this year's Boots offering is no different; the gang of gorgeous superwomen are frantically buying/wrapping/decorating while the men look on, completely baffled by the concept of presents… of Christmas… of life itself. I feel these ladies are missing a trick however – a morning's Internet shopping (with added giftwrap option) means they could be lying around in tracksuits, scoffing mince pies and slugging Baileys by midday. The fools.
Oh, Bill Nighy, I love you so much, but hearing your delicious voice come out of the mouth of that tadpole alien thing is almost more than I can bear. And trying to convince us that Argos is the most convenient way to do your Christmas shopping when the Internet exists seems a little... hopeful. At least there's no moment where one of the aliens says "mmmmm Bieber." No, there really isn't, because that would be the worst thing ever.
While everybody was using this advert to show that X Factor was fixed (because so-and-so got more auto-tuning than the rest…), everyone overlooked the fact that you only have to blink and you’ve missed half (i.e. one) of the products it advertises. Unless, of course, they’re selling the contestants… nah, nobody would buy them!
Ok, so it's quite clever, well put together and the twist genuinely comes as a surprise. But still... it’s an advert! And not just any advert, but one of the smug, sentimental kind that regards itself to be more than simply that. Its purpose is not to express the beauty and warmth of mankind; it’s to sell you stuff, the pursuit of which it'll stop at nothing to achieve - using kids, toe-curling sentimentality, and ruining Smiths songs forever.
For yesterday's advent article, click here.
I assume there was a cut scene from the Argos advert where the alien family in a Hee-LARIOUS misunderstanding of Earth culture, track Justin Beiber down and devour him as Christmas Dinner. Because then I would hate the world slightly less.
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