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I know men of steel who can’t even face the prospect of touching a spider, as well as others who wouldn’t think twice about dealing with all sorts of creepy-crawlies but whose arms and legs resemble bits of spaghetti slipping through a colander. I’ve seen guys who ‘talk the talk’ with their mates but fail to ‘walk the walk’ with the ladies.
One thing I am in a position to do here is help those that are unable to define themselves as an alpha male due to their lack of success with women.
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m atrocious with women. It is a unending disappointment to me that vomiting on a girl and calling her best friend a ‘useless sack of lard’ have yet to become the failsafe pulling tactics I feel they could. Fortunately, as with so many things, the internet provides us with the help we so desperately need. So if you, like me, are about as good at snaring a female as Ian Beale is at keeping one, salvation is on the way.
The internet is an endless wealth of information containing both brillance and crap in equal measures. Thankfully, I have sorted the wheat from the chaff to find us men some top tips when it comes to wooing us some womenfolk. One point that all “experts” seem to agree on is the importance obtaining a delicate balance between being funny and cocky.
Guys who are just cocky are more likely to come across as being really up themselves, the trick is to lay on the funniness to complement it and appear confident rather than arrogant. Apparently, it is also advisable to have a so-called ‘default move’ to fall back on in any situation, which can be tinkered with once it has been tried.
Women are masters at tests and tricky questions. It is vital that we don’t let our guards down when it comes to acting cool. When you spy an obvious test, stay calm, smile back at her and say “nice try”. When under fire from a trick question, it is best to revert to the cockiness and the funniness. Defuse the situation by giving a non-committal answer in a witty tone.
The tone used here is crucial, because in employing humour you remove the negative tension from the situation, being sure that you haven’t let the girl down with your response. Rather than lying through your teeth or making a scenario heavier than you really want it to be, it is advisable to fall back on your wit and let things develop at naturally. Hear that guys? When faced with a tricky situation, be non-committal and turn it into a joke. Genius.
Jealousy is another important issue when it comes to getting and keeping women. By keeping control of jealousy you will appear more attractive and give the impression of someone who lives their own life.
All good, clear advice. Except I can’t help noticing that most of it involves hiding who you truly are, projecting yourself as funny and self-assured as well as in no way jealous. Perhaps this is the essence of being an alpha male. Appearance is everything, substance means nothing until it’s too late. This makes sense. Most men are reprehensible beings. So the lesson is this: lie, lie and lie again, and you might just be able to disguise who you are long enough to tie a girl down. Not literally.
this is possibly the worst advice given ever.
Go out, make friends, experience social situations, u will soon become attuned to how people feel around you then maybe you can start thinking about chatting a girl up
Fine if you want to have a string of unsuccessful relationships in a short space of time, as would be the macho, alpha-male way of doing things.
Ultimately, though it may take a while, being honest and finding someone who appreciates who you really are is best. Well, hopefully anyway... otherwise I'm screwed 
Oh dear Mitch, even by your standards that is an atrocious comment.
Why so, #3? I don't see the point of lying to someone if what you're looking for is a long-term relationship cause it's just gonna screw you over in the long run. In fact I don't really see the point in lying generally any more. I've fucked up more than enough things in the past to realise this. 
I'll reluctantly admit to using almost exactly the techniques advised in this article. I go for cocky but funny, something I guess I genuinely am, but it is the act of actively trying to be that and thinking about everything I say that means I essentially lie about who I really am. It works, I get with a lot of girls and I have fun.
But, am I anywhere closer to finding a long-term or at least a meaningful, good relationship? No, and after a while of the being cocky, funny guy (oh, and cute. Showing a little bit of tenderness tends to help me!) everynight and waking up in a different bed every morning (well once a week) you begin to get bored.
So I agree with the author and Mitch - good advice for one night stands but if you want more, be yourself.
Anon (who isn't arrogant or stupid enough to reveal his identity!)
I could have sworn #5 is me! He is totally right, use these methods for short flings but if you want anything more be yourself. You'll be happier as as a result.
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