Manly Societies

You need to go to Fresher’s Fair knowing which societies York has to offer to the burgeoning alpha male. Some are deceptively manly, whilst there are also some severe potential pitfalls.

• Real Ale Society

A classic macho activity – drinking a pint of bitter down your local. Real ale is becoming a more and more popular drink, and with the plentiful supply of pubs in York you might think there is no better society to join than this one. But how will it affect your standing as an alpha male? It will help in the short run – real ale is traditionally the alpha male’s friend.

However, be careful when joining a society promoting the enjoyment of something. If you start enjoying real ale too much, something I know of first hand, it can often lead to beer snobbery. Sipping Deus (costing about £15 a bottle) out of a champagne flute so that the flavours develop further will never be considered an alpha male activity.

• Poker Society

Another perfect example of typical alpha male behaviour is sitting in a dimly lit, dingy basement, smoking cigars, sipping martinis and gambling. You only have to see Daniel Craig in Casino Royale to understand that. If you’re going to be doing that, I think you already know you are an alpha male. Joining the poker society, however, might not cut it if you want to elevate yourself to the rank of an alpha male. They organise a '"safe" environment for poker, without any money changing hands.

This, I am afraid to say, is not for the alpha male.

• Dancesport

This is one for when you know you are an alpha male. If you join dancesport, you’re sure to meet plenty of ladies – there cannot be a better reason for the alpha male joining a society. It shows confidence, and perhaps even a little bit of cockiness if you’ve never done it before but know you won’t have a problem mastering it in a couple of hours. I suggest that dancesport is actually more of an alpha male society than real ale or poker.

York Rowing Team

• Rowing

Joining rowing requires you to get up early after a heavy nights drinking. The activity works out your whole body so you’re pretty much guaranteed good shoulders and if you work at it you might even get a six pack. I can’t think of anything else that’s manlier.

Until, that is, you look at what rowers wear. A tight lycra all-in-one. As much as rowing has the potential to be the alpha male’s sport of choice, it is ruined in one fell swoop. Rowing, therefore, must be crossed off your list.

Thinking about rugby? Rule that one out too – far too much man on man action for the alpha male.

• The Yorker

And finally I’m not sure if an article like this would be allowed to be published without my extolling the virtues of The Yorker. There are plenty of opportunities for the alpha male – they tend to congregate around the sports section.

Failing that, you could just write the alpha male column in the Lifestyle section.

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