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The guys in Led Zeppelin were doing it. Ozzy and his Sabbath bandmates were doing it. Even the now laughable Rick Wakeman was doing it.
The music scene nowadays is just not the same. Pretty boys and girls barely out of school top the charts. The whole country tunes in every week to find out what hopelessly generic waste of space is going to win the latest generic reality television series.
The edgier bands are no better. They are still too well-behaved to cause the sort of trouble seen back in the day.
Gone are the crunching guitars and pounding drums
The lead-singer of The Killers biting the head off a bat? Looks like he’d struggle with a Lion Bar. Panic at the Disco ploughing through twenty groupies between them in one night? Give me a break.
It’s not just the rock stars' behaviour that has lost its manliness. The music is wimpy and pathetic too. Gone are the crunching guitars and pounding drums. The last remnants of real rock music are probably still splattered over the floor of Kurt Cobain’s garage. Everything now is flowery and has an overwhelming niceness about it. Nice guys sing songs about nice girls, and an accordion is faintly audible in the background.
The other day a friend of mine played me a song by Sigur Ros and asked me what I thought of it. I told him to shove his sissy music, and promptly exited the room.
Help is at hand, however, in the shape of some serious blasts from the past. AC/DC were the height of manliness in their heyday. They talked the talk and walked the walk. The music was loud, the lyrics were salacious and the behaviour was abysmal. They were real men. Now after a gap of eight years, they have returned with a new album, Black Ice. Metallica have also returned this year, with Death Magnetic. They’re another band that epitomises what it is to be manly.
Admittedly, James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich are rough. But this only makes them more manly. Real men are rough! The fact that these guys deliberately play up to this while making heavy music makes them worthy of the adulation of every alpha male.
But these are insignificant compared to the manliest comeback of the year. After 15 years and heaven knows how much money, Guns N’ Roses are finally about to release their sixth album, Chinese Democracy. Yeah, yeah, Axl Rose is the only surviving founder member, following his falling-out with Slash, Duff and crew. But men are inclined to fall out with each other, often violently.
In spite of the fact that it’s just Axl and a few random people, the return of Guns N’ Roses is good news for all alpha males out there.
There are bound to be crazy guitar solos, crashing drums and lyrics about sex, drugs and rock and roll. Just what us alpha males are after.
Forget the rest of the rubbish about - in times of need it’s old friends that provide music to an alpha male’s ears.
Listen to Sunn 0))) or The Locust
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