Macho, macho man?

Use with caution

Moisturiser. Plain old moisturiser. The stuff that people of both genders use in order to stop skin going dry, but when sold to men it needs to be presented with the same kind of macho gusto that one would use to sell a power saw that doubles as an electric guitar and can grill a steak. Do advertisers really think that the male gender are so puerile that this is the way we need to be spoken to? No doubt there are men that can convince themselves that the product they're buying is much manlier than simple moisturiser just because it's packaged differently, but I suspect that there are many of us that simply feel the whole thing is ridiculous.

While beautification and cosmetics do not come very high on my agenda (as anyone who's met me can testify to), I do in fact own some moisturiser. The first is a cheap, gender neutral one in a plain white bottle, but the second (which I hasten to add was a gift) is a Body Shop thing called "Face Protector." It would appear that simply because it says "Pour Homme" at the top of the bottle, the product now needs to do something far more masculine than simply moisturise. No, now it protects. Like a shield, a shield that might be used in a war against weapons like swords and that will make men think they are as manly as a great warrior by using this product. (I may be running away with this here but I'm probably not too far off the mark of how advertisers believe we think.)

The cosmetics industry is big business, with a worldwide annual turnover of approximately $170 billion, and I do realise that in such a competitive market, companies need to use eye-catching methods of selling their products, but I do wonder if they need to be quite so patronising to men when selling their product. I won't complain at length here about the pressures on men from the cosmetics companies as I believe they pressure women much more and much worse, and I think the male cosmetics industry is in general something to be laughed at rather than moaned about. It seems that products can't be presented simply to men.

Just for Men hair dye can't just show how it changes the colour of your hair, it shows how it "targets only the grey hairs" using cross-hairs (no pun intended) to put men in mind of killing those pesky greys with a sniper rifle. Razors can't just show how they scrape the hair off your face, they need to be shown to have more blades than the other guy, include bizarre features like a wave emitting "pulse" which have no use but look cool, and be sold using words like "Stealth" or "Mach 3" which is a speed so incredible that obviously the ad needs to include a fighter jet, making men think that buying this product will give them power of a Eurofighter Typhoon in their hand. It doesn't, it's essentially a small, sharp knife on a stick. This is then always followed up by the obligatory shot of a woman stroking his face, impressed by how manly his hairless, boyish face is.

But if it's lies about success with women you're after, then no-one does this better than Lynx. I sometimes use Lynx, and I regret to report that unfortunately this has not once led to a beautiful woman coming up to me on the bus or in the supermarket and being seduced by my scent alone. At best, it once made a dog jump up and try to sniff my armpits. I think that advertisers should take a more honest, less condescending approach to marketing these products. Do you honestly think Lynx would sell any less spray if they changed their slogan to "At least it doesn't smell as bad as sweat"?

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