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Visiting a friend in London, I came across a sign on a tube station bridge that read: “Caution walk, don’t run.” It’s bizarre. I know it’s perfectly understandable. I didn’t read it and wonder exactly how you “caution walk” across a bridge. But that’s not the point. The point is the punctuation is nonsensical.
This topic genuinely pains me; when it’s so easy to get it right, why do people get it wrong?
This topic genuinely pains me; when it’s so easy to get it right, why do people get it wrong?
Those of you who frequented the Hull Road area of York last summer may have noticed the furniture shop on the corner selling 'sofa’s' in its closing down sale. And a friend of mine recently told me about a new shop in his hometown: 'Paulines Fish and Chip Shop'. I would actually be overjoyed if I went there and was denied access because they catered exclusively for women named Pauline.
Apostrophes seem to cause a real problem, and the reason for this escapes me completely.
Another big problem is ellipsis, sometimes colloquially referred to as dot-dot-dot. DOT-DOT-DOT, people. The clue is in the name. Three. Not four. Not two. Three.
It grates on me that people can be so clueless. And what really annoys me is that students are some of the worst offenders. As an avid fan of grammar I have proofread more than my fair share of essays, and every time I’m overwhelmed by disbelief at the sheer incompetence some students demonstrate in matters of punctuation. I hate that you can get into university without an understanding of basic grammar. I think you should fail your English GCSEs if you don’t know the difference between 'your' and 'you’re'.
Comma whores are a very common problem here at uni. They put, commas, anywhere in a sentence, and damn, the consequences. When proofreading an essay in my first year, I asked the author why he had included a particular comma since it made absolutely no sense. His reply: “Well, you can’t have a sentence without punctuation. I had to put one in somewhere.”
I have no words for such ignorance.
When it comes to grammar, I’m not of the Lynne Truss school of sticklers. I think it’s fine to begin sentences with conjunctions and end them with prepositions, I don’t feel any need for the who/whom distinction, and I barely notice split infinitives.
It’s not spoken language I’m concerned by either. As a Geordie, a large portion of my sentences end in “like”. I once sent a friend into hysterics when I asked of her new dress, “What’s it like, like?” Not that this is actually ungrammatical in my dialect of English, but that’s what I’m saying. The rules of speech are a whole different ballgame.
My rage has a very specific cause. Punctuation abuse angers me, and I’m not even talking about semicolons, colons or hyphens; I admit, they can be tricky. It’s the simple things, things that are so easy to understand. Things like that fact that sofas rarely possess anything, and Pauline usually possesses her fish and chip shop.
It’s not only that people make such elementary mistakes, it's that the people making those mistakes use language everyday as part of their trade.
Students – and sign-makers – should know better.
Generally, I'm not a grammar nazi as long as the meaning comes across (despite having a copy of Truss' book on my shelf). However I do take exception when mistakes are made by those who should know better.
A classic example, pointed out to me by the ever-observant Kirsty Denison:
"Its your library. Ssssh!"
I didn't even know what a split infinitive was until I was 17. Since then, they have haunted me everywhere. To be or to not be... that is the question.
"This topic genuinely pains me; when it’s so easy to get it right, why do people get it wrong?"
It obviously isn't all that easy?
I also proof read quite a few essays and, like you, I too find it so frustrating when there are agonisingly simple errors. My main cause for frustration is when writers fail to appreciate that their words can be interpreted to mean something that wasn't the meaning they intended to convey. This is illustrated by the 'fresh fried fish, fried fresh fish, fresh fish fried, fish fried fresh or fish fresh fried' example.
But it isn't easy. I wish I had a grounding in latin, could form sentences like Stephen Fry or knew when my modifier was dangling
I agree that I shouldn't have been able to get an 'A' at GCSE and have such a vague knowledge of this stuff.
ps - I much prefer A. Parody's 'Eats. Shites & Leaves'.
For complaints about apostrophes in particular, check out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwx8QOgYfsE
With regards to comma whores:
I understand Kate's attack on comma whores, but I also think it is fair to make a strong use of commas when it makes a sentence easier to read. Sticking a comma anywhere and everywhere is wrong. However, adding commas when that makes a sentence flow better surely cannot, and should not, be condemned.
Nietzsche put a dot every two words and Proust didn't even know such punctuation existed. Should that not be taken as a sign that people are entitled to write as they wish as long as they do not fall into real grammatical errors/horrors?
P.S. I hope I haven't made any mistakes in writing this comment!
i think sentences look nicest with no punctuation at all
or capital letters EXCEPT for emphasis
you might hate it but you get my meaning
and its quite poetic really
I can see the tongue in your cheek 6, but let me illustrate the relevance of capitals.
I helped my Uncle Jack off a horse.
i helped my uncle jack off a horse.
hahaha...love it George!
Mitch, don't even remind me. That mistake makes me want to get some shoots and leaves and ram them so far...aaaargh! I won't even continue.
Until recently, I was not a complete grammar nazi. I was then subjected to Mason's rigorous training and harsh discipline. She beats me you know. She ruins lives.
I do think that Kate is aware of the merits of creative punctuation however. Sometimes she lets me unleash my artistic ability with some misplaced....Capitalisation and extended ellipsis.
What a woman.
n.6
Good point and very well put!
But you do not take into account the beauty of handwritten capital letters. Or the sound, the ease, the flow, and...
the mystery behind dots, commas, question marks?
I suppose it all comes down to preference.
N
I think you mean: i helped my uncle jack-off a horse.
Dammit George, I was gonna quote that one too! hehe. Multiple exclamation points are a bit of a sore point for me. To paraphrase Terry Pratchett in his book Masquerade, "anyone using more than 3 consecutive exclamation points is clearly insane."
#3, whilst my Latin background helps a little, particularly with grasping new languages (even non-Latin based languages), I think I would have had to study it a lot longer than the 2 years I did in order to apply it more meaningfully to English.
A column raging against incorrect grammar, only to reveal that the author frequently ends sentences with 'like'?
Is this not like a BNP pamphlet rallying against misogyny?
#12 - the author says she is NOT concerned with SPOKEN language, but WRITTEN. Written is where you find punctuation. Reread the article and you may understand, although you didn't get this first time!
Thanks for the tip. I reread the bit confirming that the author does not greatly concern herself over the quality of her own spoken English. I also reread her deplore comma-happy scribes as ignorant and clueless...hang on, there's almost some sort of rhetorical device being used here!
Also, if the written word is the only place for punctuation, how do you explain air quotes?
Once again I think you are missing the point of the article. Spoken English has nothing to do with basic mistakes made with grammar or punctuation - maybe that would be a topic for discussion in another blog.
The writer is voicing her opinion about the quality of written work, which needs more uniformity than speech for easier communication.
And I think if you can spare the time to read the article properly, she does not "deplore comma-happy scribes as ignorant and clueless". She draws upon one instance where a person decided to put commas in an essay because they "had to put one somewhere". That is ignorance of the rule.
I hardly think air quotes are a serious form of punctuation. Maybe you need to read up on the semantics of that.
Arguably the quality of spoken communication needs to be just as consistent, perhaps moreso, than written conversation, as you have more time to "decode" written conversation, but spoken conversation has to be dealt with quicker than written.
But I'm a Compsci, not a Linguist, so I may be completely off the mark here 
Chris, you're forgetting that the clarity of meaning of spoken words can be vastly affected by tone, speed, pauses etc. It's a lot harder, for example, to portray sarcasm in comments without using smileys.
It should probably be noted at this point that the writer IS a linguist.
The spoken word will always have more variation and in any case it is incorrect to judge dialects as corruptions of the standard. If Kate consistently says 'like' and it is part of her dialect (and being a Geordie, it is), I don't think anybody has the right to judge that as substandard in any respect.
Good points well made, Mitch.
I'm unsure as to how much dialect should affect the written word, Kirsty. Do our South Pacific friends with AQI terminate every sentence with a question mark? Would it improve understanding if they did, or would it simply confuse many readers? Of course it is a very useful tool in some cases, usually works of comedy, fiction, theatre or poetry. For example:
Explain yuself
wha yu mean
when yu say half-caste
(Anyone else remember that old chestnut? 
)
I was talking about the spoken word.
That's a GCSE classic.
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