I judge you when you use poor punctuation

Caution Walk

Visiting a friend in London, I came across a sign on a tube station bridge that read: “Caution walk, don’t run.” It’s bizarre. I know it’s perfectly understandable. I didn’t read it and wonder exactly how you “caution walk” across a bridge. But that’s not the point. The point is the punctuation is nonsensical.

This topic genuinely pains me; when it’s so easy to get it right, why do people get it wrong?

This topic genuinely pains me; when it’s so easy to get it right, why do people get it wrong?

Those of you who frequented the Hull Road area of York last summer may have noticed the furniture shop on the corner selling 'sofa’s' in its closing down sale. And a friend of mine recently told me about a new shop in his hometown: 'Paulines Fish and Chip Shop'. I would actually be overjoyed if I went there and was denied access because they catered exclusively for women named Pauline.

Apostrophes seem to cause a real problem, and the reason for this escapes me completely.

Another big problem is ellipsis, sometimes colloquially referred to as dot-dot-dot. DOT-DOT-DOT, people. The clue is in the name. Three. Not four. Not two. Three.

It grates on me that people can be so clueless. And what really annoys me is that students are some of the worst offenders. As an avid fan of grammar I have proofread more than my fair share of essays, and every time I’m overwhelmed by disbelief at the sheer incompetence some students demonstrate in matters of punctuation. I hate that you can get into university without an understanding of basic grammar. I think you should fail your English GCSEs if you don’t know the difference between 'your' and 'you’re'.

Comma whores are a very common problem here at uni. They put, commas, anywhere in a sentence, and damn, the consequences. When proofreading an essay in my first year, I asked the author why he had included a particular comma since it made absolutely no sense. His reply: “Well, you can’t have a sentence without punctuation. I had to put one in somewhere.”

I have no words for such ignorance.

When it comes to grammar, I’m not of the Lynne Truss school of sticklers.

Lynne Truss: Grammar Nazi?

When it comes to grammar, I’m not of the Lynne Truss school of sticklers. I think it’s fine to begin sentences with conjunctions and end them with prepositions, I don’t feel any need for the who/whom distinction, and I barely notice split infinitives.

It’s not spoken language I’m concerned by either. As a Geordie, a large portion of my sentences end in “like”. I once sent a friend into hysterics when I asked of her new dress, “What’s it like, like?” Not that this is actually ungrammatical in my dialect of English, but that’s what I’m saying. The rules of speech are a whole different ballgame.

My rage has a very specific cause. Punctuation abuse angers me, and I’m not even talking about semicolons, colons or hyphens; I admit, they can be tricky. It’s the simple things, things that are so easy to understand. Things like that fact that sofas rarely possess anything, and Pauline usually possesses her fish and chip shop.

It’s not only that people make such elementary mistakes, it's that the people making those mistakes use language everyday as part of their trade.

Students – and sign-makers – should know better.

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