And behind door number 22... a guide to some music of the more traditional kind
Catherine Munn and Jacob Martin list their Top 5 programmes to watch over the festive period.
And behind door number nine... some dazzling musical delights
The complete arts guide, for week 9
The biggest audience for motion pictures - or 'talkies', as they're sometimes called - has traditionally been young people between the ages of twelve and twenty. The reasons for the dominance of this demographic are obvious: teenagers don't have proper jobs, and many are too dumb to understand why schoolwork is important. They are easily titillated, frightened, and amazed by visual spectacles, much like waving a piece of tin-foil in front of a monkey. They also tend to affect a faux cynicism and world-weary character, despite not having a bloody clue how vicious and demanding the world really is. Thus, they have no problem believing completely unrealistic scenarios. They are also quite narcissistic. It was, therefore, only a matter of time before films started being made about them.
Megan Fox stars as the eponymous Jennifer, a high-school cheerleader who is sacrificed to Satan by an aspirant rock band in return for commercial success. However, she returns, gruesomely reanimated by a demon, and must be destroyed by her best friend. Obviously.
In post-apocalyptic Japan, the government decides to deal with troublemaking teens by sending them to an abandoned island, locking explosive collars around their necks, and forcing them to kill each other off in a violent death match. Not for the faint hearted.
Michael J. Fox is the loveable high school student (can anybody remember him as anything else?) who realises he's descended from a long line of werewolves. Cue lots of cheesy scenes of a werewolf playing basketball.
Despite being reared in the African wilderness, Lindsay Lohan has poor survival skills. This does not bode well when she's dumped into a high school dominated by rival cliques, and she soon becomes a pawn in their manipulative intrigues. Written by the excellent Tina Fey.
The classic reworking of Les Liaisons Dangereuse set among wealthy teens in modern New York has Sarah Michelle Gellar betting Ryan Phillippe that he can't seduce social newcomer Reese Witherspoon in between looking glum as he drives his vintage Jaguar around the city.
The series of juvenile and cringe-making films that just won't die, with a fourth instalment set for release next year. Jason Biggs molests a pie, amongst other things.
When Scotty's girlfriend breaks up with him (for a singing Matt Damon) he decides to travel to Europe and meet his German pen-pal. Cue lots of insanely good Euro-antics and cultural mishaps, including falling in with scary-friendly football hooligan Vinnie Jones.
You all know the story: some worthless slacker fakes an illness to avoid bettering himself in education, and proceeds to wreak destruction around downtown Chicago and friends' houses whilst shamelessly breaking the fourth wall. No good punk.
In a loose retelling of Shakespeare's The Taming of the Shrew, new boy at school Cameron falls for local it-girl Bianca, but her father will only allow her to go out with a boy whilst her sister does. Enter Heath Ledger and a stirring performance of 'Can't Take My Eyes Off You'.
The hardest part of being a teen is trying to escape being a teen. Many people take the first step on this journey by going to university, which is where Shawn Brumder would be going if his chronically stupid guidance counsellor hadn't mixed up his application. Cue a road trip to salvage his future with brother Lance (Jack Black).
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