The Great Breakfast Debate

Yesterday morning, upon returning from a 9.15 lecture during which my concentration was drastically compromised due to my growling stomach, I was submitted to an enthusiastic interrogation about my choice of breakfast; more specifically my preferred crumpet topping.

This was not a new line of questioning, yet the ensuing debate was full of passion, vociferous disagreements and desperate attempts to bridge the gulf of understanding. If the discussion were muted, an innocent bystander may well have been forgiven for thinking we were engaging in an earnest political debate, or chewing over whether Spelbound truly deserved to win Britain’s Got Talent over the charismatic Twist and Pulse. But no, such heights of animation had been reached over my controversial decision to top my morning crumpets with a generous smear of Bovril.

That’s right. I like nothing more in the morning than a crumpet covered in beef extract. For some reason its salty, meatilicous taste is what I crave when I wake up in the morning. At home this is nothing unusual; the majority of my immediate and extended family are Bovril converts and it is frequently found to be topping the crumpets, toast, muffins, bread and scones of our respective breakfasts. At university however, this habit has been met with at best confusion, ‘Isn’t Bovril a drink?’, and at worst horror, ‘Why would you want to do that, it’s disgusting!’

One housemate felt that beef extract is just the wrong choice for an early morning meal. Another expressed a deep confusion as to what Bovril actually is. A third objected on the basis that a crumpet should be covered in nothing but butter. This naturally led to a debate on whether a crumpet was a sweet or savoury item; in the red corner was the housemate who likes their crumpets to be covered in syrup and in the blue corner was the one who enjoys theirs with cheese on and dipped in ketchup. Disgust was a popular reaction to both of these options. Personally, I feel that crumpets are most definitely not a sweet foodstuff and see cheese on crumpets as a delicious relative of cheese on toast, but would consider dipping cheese in ketchup a crime of the highest order.

As you can well imagine, there was no conclusion to our morning discussion. I defended my right to put Bovril on crumpets as stridently as others defended their right to top the crumpet with syrup. Ultimately, everybody has their own little quirks, products of their upbringing and childhood tendencies; I also happen to view salad cream and grapes as a thoroughly delightful combination and consider the mingling of pineapple and mint very pleasant. Do I really care what other people think? Not really, for all they know my Bovril on crumpets could be a wonderful culinary experience, second only to Heston Blumenthal’s snail porridge. As one wise housemate advised (although in slightly different circumstances), ‘Try it. You might like it!’

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