James Arden checks out the garage rockers latest album.
The Christian rock band from Brighton bring religion to the masses.
Recipe for modern R'n'B album: liberal helpings of guest rappers and an overdose of sexual euphemisms.
Alex Fink introduced the judges – Jamie Tyler, Chris ‘Swedish’ Kummelstedt and Naomi Dodds. With ‘Derwent til’ I die’ ringing around my G&T riddled brain, I braced myself for the multitude of talent I was about to witness…
Act 1
The first act on ‘stage’ was the Grease cast singing a medley of numbers from their up-and-coming production. With a mass of finger clicking, hip thrusting and general Grease-style manoeuvres, this bunch had a lot of talent and a whole lot more. The first song showed the crowd exactly what the leads could do; plenty of warbling and in-tune harmonies were to be found from the start. The male lead in particular could safely be described as ‘talent’, represented adequately by a claim made by The Yorker’s Alice Bushell – “I love him. Do you think he’ll be my boyfriend?”
The judges said –
Chris – “Awesome performance”
Jamie – “I’m disappointed with the lyric books. However, the hip-thrusting was good.”
Naomi – “Really good”
So there you have it folks, 3 positive responses.
Talent: yes.
Act 2
David on the keyboard. I think he played a song called “Grease”, a delightful recital of that classic “Chopsticks” and a track entitled “Luke, I am your father”. This may have been a pre-recorded demo track but he synched so perfectly, I for one was unsure…
Best moments: “One moment please, I don’t know this keyboard…” “Where is the demo button?!”
Comedy gold, however…
Talent: no.
Act 3
This guy was introduced by Jamie Tyler as “something special”.
And special it was…
Bryn performed for a raucous crowd the archetypal drunk karaoke number “I’m too sexy”.
Shaking his thing and revealing a wife-beater with ‘Bryn’ on the front and ‘2 sexy’ on the back, this guy worked an easily pleased crowd.
The best bits: having his shirt thrown in my face after a particularly passionate section of strip-tease.
The judges said –
Jamie – “Natural born entertainer”
Naomi – “I don’t know what to say”
Summed up nicely by Fink’s – “The ladies are going mental”
Talent: no, for god’s sake...
Act 4
I think it was at this point a raffle was drawn. Joe Rankin gave Naomi Dodds a splendid little lapdance. The trousers came unbuttoned, we saw a hint of flesh and then we were left disappointed.
Jamie T – “We wanted to see a bit more”.
Hear, hear.
Talent: go on then…
Act 5
Andy the magician. This guy gave a rather impressive set of magic tricks, complemented by a rather funny interlude with an incompetent volunteer. He did some mind-reading and made a deck of cards disappear. Oooooo!
Not a patch on Paul Daniels but quite impressive all the same.
Best bits – when the magician was smacked in the face by aforementioned volunteer’s microphone.
Talent: yes.
Raffle
After hearing Alice bang on about how much she wanted the plastic pony, I sat with fingers crossed anticipating a disappointed but alcohol-placated Yorkerette.
But guess what…SHE WON! Post-winning comment: “They didn’t even check…”
We also won a roast dinner cooked by the RAG reps, which we shall very much enjoy. Good times.
The hottie from the first act won a date with both Jamie Tyler and Naomi Dodds. I won’t even comment on that.
Talent: most definitely.
Act 6
I don’t remember much by this point but what I do remember was that the judge Chris and another lovely young gentleman belted out a splendid number inspiring comments such as “just wonderful” and “there’s passion there but the acting talent is yet to be seen” from the other judges.
Talent: no.
Judges choice
Dave on the keyboard
Andy the magician
Yorker choice
Grease performance (we know they weren’t Derwent enough but hey, we liked them)
Bryn
Overall the atmosphere was tremendous, as is always the case with Derwent events, and some talent struggled its way through the plethora of talentless who were ready to embrace the ‘stage’. These events are well recommended for countless laughs and student spirit. Get yourself down to Langwith tonight and Vanbrugh tomorrow for some interesting occasions.
Bravo to all involved.
Incompetent volunteer was one Ellie Martin and the other 'lovely young gentleman' was the lovely Mikko from Finland. Great effort!
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