James Arden checks out the garage rockers latest album.
The Christian rock band from Brighton bring religion to the masses.
Recipe for modern R'n'B album: liberal helpings of guest rappers and an overdose of sexual euphemisms.
1. The Pushers
Everyone wants to get to the front and rip off the lead singer’s shirt (and if you don’t, shame on you). So a degree of pushing and shoving is expected. But when someone constantly digs into the small of your back, going “Hey can you let us through please?” or, worse, barging through with a string of girls (usually girls) attached like a papier maché chain, then that crosses the line.
2. Elevenerife
So called because if you’ve been to Tenerife they’ve been to Elevenerife. A typical conversation will go: "Oh this venue is fine, but you should really have seen them in [insert location here] that was so much better.” Grah.
3. Requesters
A band usually goes on with a set playlist. Generally, the most popular songs are played last, to end on a high. So why do people constantly call them out to sing the most popular songs? Or even better, just random words. Last gig I went to a group of 20 people continuously shouted ‘Paul’ at the band, even in the soft acoustic moments. It detracted from the whole atmosphere.
4. Wannabe tough 14 year old moshers
Moshing is fun. You let your hair down during a particularly grizzly metal riff/solo and jump around a bit. Fair play. However, and this is normally the preserve of festivals, you get the kids who for the first time have a bit of freedom in their lives. Normally this takes the form of people being very aggressive and during the moshing, looking to kick off, and boasting about how hard they are. People were doing this at Leeds Festival during The Maccabees.
5. The Bootlegger
What better way to remember an awesome concert than videoing part of it on your phone? A lot of bands now tell people "to get their phones in the air" during a particularly well-known song. I do this and it’s a nice moment. However, as always some people go to the logical extreme and stand in front of you, phone in the air, for the whole 90 minutes of the gig, right in your line of sight, changing arms when one gets tired. Surely that’s a sign?
6. Camera Extroverts
Facebook means that you can upload photos of you from anywhere in the world and broadcast them to your friends. So why not take pictures of the gig? No, instead take pictures of yourself, totally ignoring the live music that can be within a few metres of you. I wish this was a rare phenomenon, but it’s not. And it’s usually replete with hideous duckface.
7. The Ravers
Drink and drugs are part of the music scene like bacon and eggs on a sandwich. And then you have the ravers who might as well be in the gutter, dancing totally out of whack to whatever song is playing, unable to string together a coherent sentence and generally being a drunken mess. Sometimes they’re even the band members.
8. The Drunks
We’ve all been there. That person stood next to you that’s had one too many and is all over the show. If you don’t come out of the gig with a broken toe you should think yourself lucky! And they insist on shouting, talking and generally being a pain for the whole of your night. Ian Brown attracts the middle-aged drunks like you’ve never known. And the best bit about them is even if you move, they have a strange magnetism and end up back by your side in no time.
9. The Talker
These annoy me for two reasons: 1. It’s just rude. Even if the support act is rubbish, it’s still not acceptable to stand and have a very loud conversation with the person next to you; 2. I don’t care what you had for dinner. I don’t care what you’re doing the following night. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. Now shut up and watch the band you paid for please.
10. Radiohead 'Fanboys'
Every band has its hardcore fanboys. My Chemical Romance fans are insufferable. Muse fans are obsessive (I know; I was one). But by far Radiohead fans are the worse. They combine the obsessive knowledge of every song and every haircut a band member’s ever had that Muse fans possess while being simultaneously snobby of almost every other band in existence. Of course this does not cover every Radiohead fan ever (I love In Rainbows) but it does apply to quite a few.
Ugh, I *hate* bootleggers! Seriously, if you just came to record the whole thing, why not save us all some frustration and buy a DVD/live album of the band? At least that'll have better sound and picture quality.
And I don't know if this falls under number 1, but you always get people who are like "excuse me, my friends are at the front, I need to go to the *first row* where they just happen to be". Sure you do.
At Wireless last summer, I was standing next to 2 people who were a combination of 1, 6, 7, 8 and 9 - they nearly ruined the whole experience for me.
I'm not a regular gig-goer by any means, but I've experienced almost all of these. As an added note to #8 the last two gigs I've been to have featured alcohol-induced vomit. Although I don't get how you'd get Radiohead fanboys at any other gig apart from Radiohead.
I met a Radiohead fangirl once. She'd been at the venue since 8am to ensure she had a front row place, had been to see them 16 times and had a picture of Thom Yorke in her wallet.
...that was me.
Can I add #11 The guys that use the movement of the crowd as an excuse to grope you. NOT COOL.
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