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Running out onto the floor of the lecture theatre at Leeds College of Music the miniature-waisted Chris and Keith seemed overwhelmed by the reaction of the crowd; "Chill the fuck out" urged Chris. The audience duly responded, foreshadowing the masterful control this pair would wield over their listeners, including the instruction to turn "phones off... and minds on."
Wasting no time in getting into the nitty-gritty of Brain Thrust Mastery (BTM), they started with examples from the animal kingdom. Do I want to possess the ability of teamwork like a bear? Yes! Do I want to be noble like an antelope? Yes! Furthermore, the talk continued, I could achieve over 100% of my potential well-being after only four years of the course. By this point I was completely hooked but if there were still a few unbelievers in the audience they were about to be blown away by the sheer quality of celebrity testimonies for BTM - Eddie Argos from Art Brut, Edith Bowman from irritating radio and Anthony Rossomoado from Dirty Pretty Things are all advocates of the system.
From then on the seminar was a whirl of action and facts. A demonstration of the incredible 'Mind Sound' machine - a device for hearing the state of someone's mind through the sound it produces - created astounding results. Moving on from this practical demonstration, Chris and Keith pulled out some genuine tools for improving well-being, the real core of BTM. Starting with the 'Power Phrase', a sentence so powerful that it can produce mastery of any situation from cocktail parties to prisons. Very kindly I have been given permission to reproduce the phrase here: "Derrida's examination of the incohate hegemony of the dialectic sort of renders that obsolete, don't you think?" Can you feel the tingle of power down your spine? I can. Of course, words would be meaningless without actions, something the pair realised as they moved on to introduce the 'Power Moves'. Too numerous and complicated to be reproduced here, the moves created sparks of electric well-being throughout the hall, igniting ambition and making hairs stand on end.
Derrida's examination of the incohate hegemony of the dialectic sort of renders that obsolete, don't you think?
As a final demonstration of the abilities further study of BTM can bring, the seminar closed with a masterful demonstration of mind reading. First reading the surface "actual" thoughts of the audience volunteer, then scratching behind the surface to uncover some thoughts the volunteer didn't even know that they had.
Having entered the room with a somewhat sceptical mind, I left feeling elated and utterly convinced that We Are Scientists' psychological and physical ethos could change the way we, as humans, interact, learn and live. This was one of the most important half-hours of my life and I recommend that you check it out.
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