Make Hay While the Sun Shines

Before we start lets just get it clear that this is no trifling matter, seventy percent of land in Britain is used for farming. Only twenty percent is urban which leaves a whole ten percent as forest. This is made even more shocking by the fact that only twenty percent of the population live in the countryside with a mere two percent actually working there.

Apart from those toiling in the countryside you might come across some animals if you're out for a ramble and if they’re hanging out in a group you should probably know what to call them: It’s a business of ferrets and a skulk of foxes. Obviously but no less pleasingly; a prickle of hedgehogs and a parliament of owls. And somewhat ominously an unkindness of ravens and a murder of crows.

A stand alone piece of information which sounds a lot like a lie but is pretty good anyway is that a duck’s quack doesn’t echo. Who found this out? Why did they have a duck in the cave?

On the topic of agriculture pigs seem to be the most interesting animals. They don’t sweat which is why they have to roll in mud to cool off, and if they’re pale coloured they can get sunburnt. Bless. It's also impossible for them to look up at the sky. It’s not all bad being a pig though - their orgasms last for half and hour, and as an amusing aside their penises are corkscrew shaped. Do what you will with that information.

Whilst looking for all this info I also found some gems which just must be made up. They’re so good I had to share. Enjoy:

• The placement of a donkey's eyes in its' heads enables it to see all four feet at all times.
• A donkey will sink in quicksand but a mule won't.
• Horses cannot vomit.

Don’t say I never tell you anything worth knowing.