Self-indulgence on a budget

Nothing is better than a bit of self-absorbed relaxation...

I hate February. It’s miserable, cold, damp, stressful, dark, and did I forget to say, MISERABLE and generally depressing.

I’ve had enough of stomping about in heavy boots and wearing a thick coat. I’m tired of hat hair, cold hands and carrying umbrellas ‘just in case’. I’m fed up of having cold feet because I wore my ballet pumps in the rain when I couldn’t stomach my boots any longer. I can’t stand having to take a coat out on a night out because I’m too much of a ‘Southern Softy’ to hack the cold when I’m stood outside Ziggy’s in a very short dress. I’m sick of my course, its lack of a reading week and the unhealthy and excessive 9.15's. But what annoyed me most about this month was being accused of promiscuity on a routine trip to the health centre. Excuse me, but I have morals and standards, just because I attend university doesn’t mean I sleep around. Take note Mademoiselle.

I’m definitely ready for a good cheering up. Normally, I’d do that with a big night out, when I say big I actually mean HUGE. And messy. Sadly this isn’t always possible because the messy night I want coincides with a compulsory practical my department insists on setting at 9.15, and I know I will sleep through it if I get even the slightest bit drunk. If this is the case my contingency plan is shopping.

Oh shopping how I love you so. The feeling of spending money, of getting something in return for the swipe of plastic or the exchange of cash. It’s probably the biggest rush a girl can have, other than an orgasm ofcourse. There is nothing more satisfying than coming home with a handful of branded bags, and having the adored conversation with housemates that follows the production of aforementioned bags.

Unfortunately, because this is February, things aren’t really going my way AND I’ve run out of money. Since this unsavoury predicament seems to happen every term, I highly doubt my dad would appreciate me calling asking him to help me out again. This means that shopping, and drinking for that matter, is out of the equation.

Consequently I’ve spent the past few days looking for things that people, bankrupt and miserable, can do for free:

1. Try Spotify for some ultimate cheese - I’m thinking Steps, Take That or the Spice Girls. If you feel so inclined, a power ballad will suffice. Shut your door, close the windows and curtains, then proceed to sing along as loud as possible, regardless of whether you know the exact lyrics. Starship, were, in fact singing about a city built on ‘rock and roll’, but if you prefer ‘logs and coal’ that’s also fine. You’ll make your flatmates laugh if nothing else.

2. BBC iPlayer is a godsend. Watch some absolute trash (I personally enjoy ‘Hotter Than My Daughter’), and it will make you realise that your life isn’t all bad. At least your mother didn’t parade around nightclubs in a tutu and a sequined crop top when you were 15. Although, if she did, I would recommend therapy rather than reading this article.

3. Skype is your best friend. It saves using credit on your phone, and allows you to speak to people abroad. Speaking to someone you haven’t spoken to in a while is bound to make you laugh. I spent the evening talking to a friend in America, discussing the possibilities of having Margaret Thatcher playing for Manchester United, and ended the conversation feeling considerably happier.

4. Take a look at last year’s holiday photos. Seeing yourself looking 5lbs heavier, in a terrible outfit, with pasty skin and an atrocious hair cut is a sure fire way to make you giggle. Plus, looking back at the photos will hopefully bring back happy memories, unless the holiday was awful, in which case you might want to look elswhere for some uplifting snaps.

5. Grab a friend and visit the Railway Museum. It’s free entry and great for a game of hide-and-seek provided you don’t climb on any of the expensive trains. If you’re really geeky the model train set is cool and the train out the back is fun to ride too. For a bit of loose change they also have a helter-skelter and a carousel to try, definitely an attraction aimed at the student population.

So, just because it’s the middle of February, spring hasn’t sprung yet and you haven’t got any money doesn’t give you an excuse to be miserable. Try something new, something free and something fun.

And if all fails there’s always sex to get the endorphins flowing, right Mademoiselle?

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