That Girl from Derwent dwells on the value of religion this Christmas.
That Girl from Derwent has learned a few more things about prejudice since moving up North.
That Girl From Derwent reckons if you're going to be offensive, you should find a better reason.
That Girl from Derwent considers why it is that some words have wider implications than others.
“What is it with all the ducks?” is often one of the first things a visitor will say upon entering York campus. There are indeed a lot of ducks (and geese, moorhens, swans and coots) on campus. In fact York has the highest duck-to-student ratio of any university in England.
This might have something to do with the enormous amount of protection afforded to our feathered friends. I am referring, of course, to the Duck Law (this is not its real name, but I like it). This was supposedly introduced in the 70s, when times were hard and students were desperate. They arrived on campus only to find feathered walking meals. It was bound to end in disaster. The situation can be summed up with a simple equation:
Hungry students + semi-tame ducks = Roast duck for dinner.
So a law was introduced to protect York’s wildlife. It basically states that if you kill a person and go to prison, you could come back and finish your education at York: if you kill a duck you will be expelled for all eternity. So my advice is not to push it.
But there is a sinister edge to even the balmiest of weather.This edge has wings, and a sharp beak, and at the moment is feeling incredibly protective.
For once the sun has got his hat on, at least for the last few weeks, and York campus has been bathed in unusual, and very welcome, warmth. This has led to an outpouring of students, and their pale wan faces tell a familiar story of Northern wind, rain and clouds over the winter months. We now have the opportunity to walk around York without equipment suitable for all-day trek during monsoon season. But there is a sinister edge to even the balmiest of weather. This edge has wings, and a sharp beak, and at the moment is feeling incredibly protective. I am referring, of course, to the geese.
They have been much in evidence over the last few weeks, and it cannot have failed the notice of anyone walking around campus that there appear to be more of them than usual. Like small fluffy dinosaurs (if you don’t believe me, just watch then while they are eating), goslings have become a part of the campus landscape. How wonderful! I hear you cry, they are so cute! And indeed they are; there is no denying it.
But with them come one of the key downsides of spring; the emergence of Protective-Parent-Psycho-Goose™. Perfectly normal, usually harmless geese suddently turn into little feathered Rambos, intent on the blood of any student foolish enough to get to close to their babies. I have heard harrowing tales of students being chased by something five times smaller than them, but which nevertheless induces true pants-wetting terror.
But help is at hand! Having had my fair share of run-ins with our feathered brethren, I now present:
1. Do NOT, under any circumstances, pick any of the goslings up. This is in fact illegal if they are not hurt. As this never really stops students I will again remind you of Protective-Parent-Psycho-Goose™, who will take definite offense.
2. Do NOT get between the geese and their babies. This is a bad idea. In the parent's mind you will have transformed from Harmless Student to Killer Gosling Eater, and they will attack you.
3. Remember that hissing is a warning, it doesn’t mean the goose is about to attack you, it’s just telling you to get out of the way. If it stretches its neck out and flaps its wings at you its telling you to move away faster, and if it then charges at you don’t come crying to me because you didn’t heed its warnings. If it goes straight to charging then you may have done 1 or 2 in which case you’re asking for it. If you haven’t then you’ve probably tried getting into the Music department. Change department.
4. And finally carry a large bag with you. This is to get between you and the goose if it goes psycho. Do NOT attack the goose first. This is unsporting and dangerous, and could lead to disaproving look from your peers and possible expulsion (remember the Duck Law).
"In fact York has the highest duck-to-student ratio of any university in England."
"If you kill a person and go to prison, you could come back and finish your education at York; but if you kill a duck you will be expelled for all eternity. So my advice is not to push it."
If a goose hisses at you, hiss back at it louder. It will leave you free to plunder its goslings 
studet?
The Yorker, Spell Checker. Spell Checker, The Yorker.
Thanks for pointing that out Chris, it had escaped our beady eyes. It has now been rectified!
Ruth x
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