That Girl from Derwent dwells on the value of religion this Christmas.
That Girl from Derwent has learned a few more things about prejudice since moving up North.
That Girl From Derwent reckons if you're going to be offensive, you should find a better reason.
That Girl from Derwent considers why it is that some words have wider implications than others.
Why? Well, I like to imagine that the architect Andrew Derbyshire found himself in the position that most English students find themselves in. It’s the early hours of the morning, you haven’t started the essay that’s due in tomorrow, you’re just about to fall asleep, and suddenly, it comes to you: What would have the literary world in a tizzy? Only that Shakespeare was a homosexual woman! Or in Derbyshire’s case that a stagnant lagoon, crammed with waterfowl, surrounded by concrete blocks (secretly made mostly of asbestos) connected to one another by bridges made to withstand the capacity of a single duck at a time, and with a star destroyer at the head of it all would be the most impressive design for an institution that the world had ever known!
Take Vanburgh for example. When designing and fitting a kitchen, the architects and builders threw the rule book out the window: Hobs, ovens, workspace? Everyone knows that like wearing underpants, these are silly, unnecessary things that your mother invented to annoy you. Then there’s the toilets and the bathrooms that have no ventilation because they have no external walls, so that every odour imaginable can remain to impregnate the asbestos walls.
But if asbestos walls aren’t your sort of thing, then a dip in the duck’s toilet (or should I say the ‘lake’) for some blue-green algae poisoning should complete your campus experience.
The only part of campus that isn’t riddled with disease or hideously ugly is Heslington Hall, which is also the one part of campus that the university didn’t build! And they have succeeded in excluding their students from this beautiful haven by designating the building to administration. You’d have thought that a more intelligent use of such a historic building would be to hire it out for balls or formal events, like the Merchant Adventurers Hall in the City Centre, not to wind-up alumni by phoning them and asking them if they want to donate money to the university.
What impresses me about campus is that some of the buildings have managed to secure listed status from the English heritage because the buildings are “regarded as the most successful use of the CLASP prefab system, originally developed for schools”, so essentially, hideousness is a criterion to be celebrated. And then there’s the York Design Awards 2008 which celebrated the advent of the library extension, which looks uncannily like Medibot from '‘Look Around You’', which fills me with joy every time I see it.
Coping with the difficulties of living in squalor and having our eyes raped by the hideous concrete has prepared York students for the harsh realities of life. For instance, let me ask you: What would you do if an alien space craft landed smack-bang in front of you? Whereas students at a more well-designed university would lose control of bowel and bladder, York alumni would probably comment on the fact that central hall has more windows than the alien vehicle.
Awesome humour, though I have to say that I like a fair amount of architecure at York.. Shame the lake isn't cleaned occasionally though.. Occasionally meaning at least once in 40 years.
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