That Girl from Derwent dwells on the value of religion this Christmas.
That Girl from Derwent has learned a few more things about prejudice since moving up North.
That Girl From Derwent reckons if you're going to be offensive, you should find a better reason.
That Girl from Derwent considers why it is that some words have wider implications than others.
I’m worried. I’m worried about sex. I’m worried about female sexuality.
Women are presented as the sinister tempters and the sweet dessert. They are jail-bait and vulnerable. With so many contradictory notions of womanhood, is it surprising that we all fall victim to these prejudices and emotional conundrums?
Most girls have referred to other girls as being or looking like ‘slags’. Many girls have worried that others label them as such. I have a friend who asks while getting ready for a night out, “What am I - Hot, or Whore?” My usual reply of “what does a whore look like?” is returned with a look of mingling confusion and apathy. And yet, in the latest edition of Nouse, we are presented with this precise melody of empowering sexuality, self-blame when it goes wrong, and pointless bitchiness.
The much-needed article on the regular occurrence of rape for university students displays how easily a victim can fall into blaming themselves. And it is not just the victims. An ICM report for Amnesty International in 2005 found that 33% of British people feel that a girl is partly to blame for being raped if she is drunk, flirting, or wearing sexy clothes.
A column in the same student paper caricatured a sexual encounter involving an inexperienced male with a girl on her surprise period. Such ‘sex columns’ written by women usually attempt to regain control over their sex lives. Through detailing personal accounts of their own experiences in a detached way, in order to make sex a part of women’s lives that does not just occur in happy relationships, women become deeply involved in sex. They are not simply the recipients of advances, or amiable consenters. If women want sex, they can have it, and it is ok. Ironically, another piece featured a rather needlessly bitchy comment about a girl on a boy’s lap in a nightclub, trying to reclaim her ‘dignity’ despite wearing a...ahem...slutty dress.
If women want sex, they can have it, and it is ok
Shops like Ann Summers, and programmes like Sex and the City, attempt to normalise sex for women, and uncover the mysterious shroud surrounding it. ‘Doing It’ does not need to be kept behind closed mahogany doors anymore, and the more outrageous, the better. Most especially if you can get a funny story out of it. And yet there is still that age old trap, ready to ensnare any girl who slips up and seems readily available for sex. ‘Slut’. ‘Slag’. ‘Slapper’. Those bladed words that at once condemn a girl for losing dignity and self-respect, and looking offensively sexual.
I want to know if people have a genuine definition between attractive girls and those they can shamelessly label ‘sluts’. And also, I want to know how other people view their own sex lives. Do people worry about how many people they’re sleeping with, or do they thoroughly enjoy sampling many of the delights that the university bubble has to offer? Do some people feel used each time they have sex, and ashamed that they gave something so special up to someone so undeserving?
The York Women’s Committee are gearing up to compile a set of anonymous accounts, poems, drawings, or anything that can be put onto paper, in order to get a real idea of how people see their sex lives. The Edinburgh Women’s Committee produced such a book, and it is an incredibly poignant read. The mixture of pride, shame, and humour in some of the accounts provides a beautiful image of a snapshot of one individual’s experience. Others are more painful, and can help us to understand in part why some victims of rape feel such shame. Such a book will not cure the world of the constant hypocrisy surrounding sexual behaviour, but it can help us to understand at least a part of it.
What is more interesting about such books is the variety in background of the people who contribute to them. Men and women from all sexual orientations can reveal a brief insight into the reality of sex. When we hear about sex from the media, generally, the references are paraded around in their own set of stilettos and feathers boas. False notions of what constitutes great sex is screamed at us through our television screens and newspaper pages, but the reality is very different. Sexy women are not just revered as idols. With so much hype and prejudice surrounding sex today, it will be so refreshing to see a mere glimpse into what people really think. Only then can we really begin to understand how affected people can be by such sexual charades.
Pieces for 'Tell' can be submitted via the website, www.tell-york.com. The finalised book will cost £1.
"Sex and the city attempts to normalise sex for women".
I don't think I've ever seen a series that represents sex in a more abnormal way. What they get up to is completely unrealistic.
'Sweet desert'?!
Having read the entire article, I am still not sure of the point you are trying to make. Women are sluts? Sluts don't exist? Men are rapists? Sex is rape? Sex is bad?
I'm just plain confused...
"Women are presented as the sinister tempters and the sweet dessert. They are jail-bait and vulnerable. With so many contradictory notions of womanhood, is it surprising that we all fall victim to these prejudices and emotional conundrums?"
I would have thought that the fact that there are so many images of womanhood is a good thing, and that therefore women can be ANY of those things (which would be the opposite of prejudices) - or am I wrong?
I agree that we still see women's sex lives very differently from men's - I'll admit to being more impressed by a male friend having sex with multiple partners than a female friend.
I think 'Sex and the City' is naturally more relevant to wealthy American women, but that doesn't mean that it wasn't ground-breaking in its frank discussion of female sexuality. It would be interesting to see how men our age feel about sex, as the general assumption for men seems to be that they are more interested in sex than women and are more interested in 'sowing their wild oats' with as many women as possible before 'settling down';perhaps a comment article on men and sex from a man's point of view is needed.
I like this book idea. It sounds like Postsecret, but with sanitary towels instead of postcards.
I thought the blog was about getting rid of prejudices? And it said all the prejudices people have about women! And how many images are there of men?
I think the point Hannah is trying to make is that there are many inherent prejudices pertaining to female sexuality. Add to that the fact that sex in every way pervades our culture and well... it's just pretty damn confusing.
Generally male-authored, Literature epitomises the ambivalence of our culture toward women: they are either sluts or angels. The worse part is, we have, in essence, internalised this phallogocentric patriarchal discourse and frankly, neither catgeories describe me or my friends, as they are far too restrictive and simplistic.
Whilst I'm not a die-hard fan of SATC I think that HBO did go a long way to show that the successful moderen woman can come in very different packages - i.e. the four characters have v. diff. attitudes to sex and relationships.
The aim of the WomCom in organising a performance of "The Vagina Monologues" (review will be online shortly) in Wentworth a few weeks and the putting together the "Sex Book" is precisely to combat prejudices VIA a more accurate/truthful representation of what sexuality is really like: women and men might therefore see that "normality" is rarely that which is portrayed on TV/film/books.
comment deleted by the author With regard to male sexuality, the reason women have two stereotypes is fear; you risk getting pregnant or not. Slut or angel. Men, at least theoretically, can have their cake and eat it. These are old old stereotypes, built in part on our biology. They are hard to break.
The revolution for women came thanks to the Pill; sex with less risk. How much good did it do? Depends on what you mean. Do women have a choice? Yes. Does it mean they're free to be themselves? ... maybe. A generation on, the conflict hasn't really gone away. We're more free to talk about it which is why popular culture is free to address it.
Unfortunately, feminism didn't turn out to be what a lot of women my mother's age hoped it would. Instead of celebrating femininity, it focussed on woman's ability to be more like 'men', less 'the other'. It's result? A backlash against an entire gender, from a generation who write articles and literature that are often appalling. Victim becomes bully.
I think talking helps. I think women are more open amongst themselves and hopefully, it will hope erode the stereotypes. Especially when we feel brave enough to let men join in, without fear of ridicule. I hope the book will help.
I think that Tell is supposed to be including male stories about sex too?
Yes 'Tell' is for anyone and everyone who wishes to contribute. The idea is that the pieces will be presented without context or judgement. Just the authors words.
In which case most of the negative attitudes towards either article or book would be null: it sounds like a fantastic way of opening up discussion without causing offense or embarassment!
comment deleted by the author 'Tell' sounds like a fantastic idea! Glad this article has begun a bit of a dicussion, though I feel we're all just warming up!
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