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Why NOT to strive for that bikini body

summer beach body
Worth the effort? Umm...no
Monday, 6th June 2011
Written by Amelia Pickard.

At last! It's June! Time for lazy afternoons spent lying on the grass drinking Pimms, watching the baby geese turn into teenage geese. Exams have almost finished, so surely in these last few weeks of term we should all be relaxing in the sun and going to Willow more than is good for us.

But sadly, these recreations require a sacrifice to the Gods Of Summer. Wearing hoodies and forgivingly draped knitwear is no longer socially acceptable. Convention demands some suitably retro sunglasses teamed with (gulp) minimal clothing. It's time to bring out those dusty shorts and sundresses that have been lurking at the back of the wardrobe. The miniskirts and vest tops are back. At some point it may even be necessary to don a bikini. If you're anything like me, summer crept up on you while you were looking the other way in the run up to exams. And you still haven't lost that weight from Easter like you were going to. And now it's probably too late because your housemates are planning a trip to the beach as you speak.

And that isn't all. It's impossible to get away with unshaven legs. Pasty skin has to be fake-tanned away. Make-up starts melting and making you look like a sagging waxwork. Hair goes frizzy in the heat. Sun cream must duly be applied. If you burn then you have to spend hours anointing yourself with aftersun to avoid unsightly peeling. It's all very stressful and upsetting. But even if there was time to fix all of these things, would it really be worth it?

The answer is: definitely not. But that doesn't stop us from devouring those articles that appear at this time of year in every trashy magazine, entitled "How to get the Perfect Beach Body". For some bizarre reason they always seem to hold up Kelly Brook as a model of what we poor readers are struggling to attain. Every time I see a picture of that woman frolicking in the waves with a perfect golden tan I lose the desire to ever leave my bedroom again. The message we tend to take from these articles is that summer is a time when the beautiful people go out and have fun whilst wearing as little as possible, and the rest of us either cringe in shame or go to obscene lengths to feel unembarrassed by our bodies.

This is a stupid state of affairs, and the only way to improve matters is by throwing caution to the wind and going outside unashamedly to bare those unshaven legs. Chances are no one will even be looking. Why should we let other people have all the fun just because we're embarrassed about the spare tyre we have knocking around? Surely everyone has some kind of hang-up about how they look, and now that summer's here it's time for us all to face our demons. Your friends should love you no matter how freckly you get, and as for everyone else, who cares?

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Showing 1 - 20 of 31 comments
#1 Gillian Love
Mon, 6th Jun 2011 10:20am

In the words of Baz Luhrman: "Do not read beauty magazines, they only make you feel ugly." I go out with unshaven legs (and underarms) and my belly hanging out in the summer, and not one person has ever looked at me with disgust or made comment. And if they had, I would have literally not given one shit.

So basically, I like your article

#2 Gillian Love
Mon, 6th Jun 2011 10:20am

In the words of Baz Luhrman: "Do not read beauty magazines, they only make you feel ugly." I go out with unshaven legs (and underarms) and my belly hanging out in the summer, and not one person has ever looked at me with disgust or made comment. And if they had, I would have literally not given one shit.

So basically, I like your article

#3 Anonymous
Mon, 6th Jun 2011 12:19pm

Nothing wrong with being pale and a bit fat but dear god noone wants to see unshaven bits, there's no excuse for that!

I like to cheat the world with decent nude tights in summer. Even skin tone, slight tan, and stubblely leg cover up! What more could you want!

#4 Gillian Love
Mon, 6th Jun 2011 4:49pm

...Why, thank you. I shall take your advice and tear all of the hair out of my skin so that everyone can rest easy. Or, indeed, go out in the sun in tights and get a super-sweaty groin. Mmm.
P.S. Wanna get rid of that stubble? Don't shave!

#5 Anonymous
Mon, 6th Jun 2011 5:42pm

Gillian Love: confirming stereotypes of feminists everywhere since 2011

#6 Anonymous
Mon, 6th Jun 2011 6:01pm

That is truly disgusting... and sweaty groin? Er, gross? I can honestly say I've never had a sweaty groin from tights and I don't really want that image in my head along with... body hair.

#7 Anonymous
Mon, 6th Jun 2011 7:18pm

Well...I had thought about eating until I read some of the comments here!

Girls, please don't get too hung up about how you look in the sun, it's true that too much is made of perfection.

But for the love of God, please please continue to shave and if you get a 'super-sweaty groin' should you don tights, please please don't share this information.

#8 David Spelling
Mon, 6th Jun 2011 7:31pm

Gillian, you do make me giggle! Are you real? Had you been 15 years older, I'd accuse you of aping Millie Tant for uni-based larks. Classic!

#9 Anonymous
Tue, 7th Jun 2011 12:28am

Being a bit out of shape is nothing to be ashamed of. Going outside looking like the Wolfman's overweight sister is.

#10 Gillian Love
Tue, 7th Jun 2011 10:08am

Amelia, despite some of these comments, you were absolutely right in what you said in your final paragraph. Remember some of the people commenting have never felt that panic of 'oh god I have to go out in the sun but I don't have time to shave...' It's your decision what you do with your body hair, lose it or keep it, but it's YOUR decision. Don't be disheartened by these narrow-minded awful comments.

#11 Anonymous
Tue, 7th Jun 2011 3:27pm

I don't think these comments are aimed at the article I think they're aimed at you, Gillian.

#12 Justin Stathers
Tue, 7th Jun 2011 5:09pm
  • Tue, 7th Jun 2011 5:10pm - Edited by the author
  • Tue, 7th Jun 2011 5:12pm - Edited by the author
  • Tue, 7th Jun 2011 5:13pm - Edited by the author (less)

To be honest, I'm astonished by the force of commenters' reactions here to what is clearly a completely personal decision. I don't see why anyone could give a toss whether a girl wants to shave her legs (or indeed any other part of her body) or not. Personally, I don't even find it makes much of a difference to how attractive I might find them, but even for those to whom it does - what makes you think your personal taste is anyone's business but your own? Why would you be offended by somebody choosing not to bow to your aesthetic standard? How bewilderingly arrogant to angrily denounce somebody merely for not, in your eyes, being attractive enough!

You don't ask someone "for the love of God" not to wear a colour you dislike. You don't mock somebody whose face you consider unsightly for not putting a paper bag on their head. You don't tell the average male off for not having a visible six-pack. Yet a girl who is either not trim enough for your tastes or who chooses not to engage in the tedious ritual of exfoliation enjoying the sunshine has, on this very page, been described as "disgusting", "something to be ashamed of", and "wrong". Who the devil do the anonymous commenters on this article think they are?

#13 Anonymous
Tue, 7th Jun 2011 5:45pm

Justin: Pretty much all of the comments here were directed at Gillian, not the original article, which is an admirable and good piece.

#14 Gillian Love
Tue, 7th Jun 2011 6:00pm

Justin, I love you.

#13 and 11 - so it's fine for Amelia not to shave her legs, but not for me ? It's OK to tell me my body is ugly which you haven't ever seen? WHAT. THE. FUCK.

#15 Lizzy Pennock
Tue, 7th Jun 2011 6:07pm

Justin I was going to post a comment like yours but you took the words right out of my mouth - and much more eloquently than I could have done.

#16 Justin Stathers
Tue, 7th Jun 2011 6:24pm
  • Tue, 7th Jun 2011 6:24pm - Edited by the author
  • Tue, 7th Jun 2011 6:25pm - Edited by the author (less)

Anonymous - Gillian and Amelia Pickard would appear to be in agreement on the issue being discussed, so it's immaterial at whom the comments were directed. As they have the same opinion, to dispute - or, as the case may be, to wantonly insult - one is also to dispute the other. That you might habitually disagree with Gillian and not Amelia on other Yorker articles is neither here nor there. A debate should be about principles and not individuals.

Gillian and Lizzy - Thank you!

#17 Anonymous
Tue, 7th Jun 2011 6:33pm

I think this article holds for men as well as women, though issues of male body-consciousness aren't held up in the same way. Seeing tanned, slim lads showing off their torsos soon becomes irritating.

It's just a pity Gillian had to arrive on the scene in typically provocative style with talk of hairy legs, sweaty groins, and hanging bellies.

Justin: If you saw a man with his shirt off who was chronically obese and had random patches of hair all over his sweaty torso, I think you would pass judgement on that person's grooming, or at least their sense as to how to appear in public. There's a difference between being a bit out of shape and not caring about your appearance whatsoever, which is what Gillian is driving towards.

#18 Gillian Love
Tue, 7th Jun 2011 6:45pm

...Jesus Christ. Not shaving = 'not caring about your appearance whatsoever?' Again, WHAT??? I was echoing precisely what the article said - who cares if you don't shave your legs and have a 'spare tyre'? So, provocative????

I was also responding to the inane advice of 'don't go out with stubble, wear tights!' With 'No, because tights in summer = sweaty.' Not so provocative, more a fact of life.

Get your point across without ad hominem attacks, please.

#19 Anonymous
Tue, 7th Jun 2011 9:19pm

Why aren't people allowed to express common opinions? Lots of people think not shaving is gross so why jump on thier arses for saying it? Your opinion isn't more valid because it's less standard!

Leftie hypocrites.

#20 Justin Stathers
Tue, 7th Jun 2011 9:24pm

Anonymous - The point is that it would be none of my business, and that the man would be no more disgusting, shameful or wrong for taking his shirt off than a bodybuilder fresh out of the gym. Any reaction I might or might not have to the fellow's appearence would be my problem and my problem alone, and certainly wouldn't give me the prerogative to start hurling insults or making insinuations about the man's personal worth, sense, or hygiene.

I also don't really understand the near-pathological degree of aversion that people have to female body hair, to be honest, but that's beside the point.

Showing 1 - 20 of 31 comments

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