Fashion extremism

Oversized shopper, ASOS, £75

I’m a student; everyone knows that being decisive is not my forte. The last thing I need is to be faced with a choice between knee, calf and ankle boots when its nine o’clock in the morning and I have fifteen minutes to hot foot it to a seminar. What’s a girl to do?

Pray thanks for the fact that the fashion world seems to have finally acknowledged that we are a bunch of ditherers. This spring there will be no middle ground. Extremes are key; high and low, big and small, you get the picture.

So let's start off with the biggest of the lot, the oversize bag. If you're anything like me then you probably prefer not to take the conventional option of going to the gym, but would rather test the endurance of your arms by carrying around a bag of similar weight (and size for that matter) as a small child. Bigger is most certainly better and ASOS does the largest of all - serious upper-arm ache material.

If, however, you’d rather the attention was focused on you rather than your bag then trousers slashed just above the ankle are a sure fire way of drawing the eye. The key word here is trousers i.e. not skinny jeans. Unfortunately this means that whilst skinny jeans at least offer some consolation by being chicest when darkest, the cut off trouser trend is far less merciful. Lighter and tighter are out to disturb the peace and trying to squeeze yourself into Topshop’s (more like a second skin) skinny trousers (£28) will provide the required levels of distress.

And if trouser hemlines are going to be scaling the heights then it seems only appropriate that footwear should follow suit. If you presume enough to suppose that I am referring here to a stiletto resurgence, then shame on you, for I allude to an altogether more daunting prospect. Sheer height alone is no longer enough to guarantee your position amongst that breed of womanhood who exert their power through astonishing footwear. The passport to supremacy this season lies in width. The wedge is firmly upon us.

If you feel dizzy at the mere thought of getting high, however, then do not assume you must spend the next few months in solitary confinement cursing your inability to walk on a 5” by 6” chunk of wood; for that is where those who dare to step out in a kitten heel shall be. The eternally reliable pump is here to reassure and provide comfort. If flats float your boat then I urge you to think Dorothy. Sparkles and bows will shake off any left over winter dreariness. Topshop's patent bow pumps (£25) are most definitely worthy of the yellow brick road.

Patent bow pump, Topshop, £25

If the sound of more relaxed attire tempts you, then fashion does not come much easier than pulling on a kimono dress. Perhaps the most forgiving of all styles, its sole purpose is to undermine the intentions of those who seek to expose as much flesh as possible, by taking us back to the days when clothes left everything to the imagination. Miss Selfridge’s version (£22) comes in numerous spring shades and skims out from just under the bust to glide over wayward hips.

Fighting to break free from underneath, however, is the waist. Although it’s a trend which has been around for a while, it seems that waist belts are not yet ready to be confined to the shadowy recesses of the wardrobe. Whether you opt for leather, elastic or plastic, waist belts were made for creating the illusion of perfect proportions. Worn mid-torso over jackets, tops or dresses, a wide belt will define even the most stubborn of waists. If you don't already have one then get one. Head on down to Accessorize where you will find the popper patent belt (£12) just waiting to whittle down your waist.

So leave the decision-making to others, because this season as long as it's extreme, it's in.

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