(See what we did there? Like the love child of ‘Got milk’ and ‘You’ve been tangoed’)
Laura Reynolds looks at the hype surrounding the collaboration.
Just a week to go until the man in red arrives...
Cooler than the red dress:
Red was the trend colour for this red carpet, with a variety of shapes and models. Jennifer Hudson debuted what she called a “tangerine” Atelier Versace halterneck frock, and while I love almost everything about its contours, I would’ve found a better way to accommodate her voluptuous chest, bringing less hoochie mama to the carpet. Meanwhile, new mama Penelope Cruz paraded a fiery devilish strappy dress that had jaws dropping; it can’t be easy dressing your bust when you’re breastfeeding.
Rocking the strapless look were both last year’s best actress Sandra Bullock in an hourglass Vera Wang and this year’s presenter Anne Hathaway, with embellished roses sculpting the A-line skirton her first dress of many that night.
A little off the mark:
With a slight tweak, these ladies would’ve hit it out of the ballpark – but alas, it was not to be. Marisa Tomei’s black mermaid dress seemed frozen halfway through morphing into a ballgown, making it look confused overall, while Michelle Williams displayed a total lack of imagination by basically wearing exactly the same dress she wore to the Venice Film Festival, albeit in a slightly paler shade and minus the bow. My biggest frustration was reserved for Halle Berry, whose nude jewel-encrusted chiffon gown would have been my hands-down best-dressed – were it not for that hot mess of a hem which looked like it had been put together at the last minute in a Project Runway challenge.
Missing: Material
Some girls shouldn’t have gone down the ‘less is more’ route. Take Scarlett Johansson, whose burgundy floral print Dolce &Gabbana rather tastelessly looked like it was revealing her bra (the whole dress looked more like a tablecloth than anything else), or Helena Bonham Carter whose sleeves appeared poorly tailored and ripped to shreds. But what I dislike most of all on a red carpet is a dress that makes me nervous – which is why Mila Kunis’s wrapped-up lavender Elie Saab made me wince. The hue was stunning, and yet the barely-there lacy breast-covering reminded me of Rachel’s faux-pas in Friends when she got caught in a sexy nightie by her boyfriend’s parents. Just cringe-inducing.
Finally, a reward will be given to anyone who can find the missing circle from the front of Cate Blanchett’s futuristic Givenchy creation. While the colour was lovely, everything else about it was heinous – the hanger-shaped sleeves, the awkward chest and the gritty purple and yellow (?!) beading that just made my skin crawl.
Pure and Simple:
Some of the most well-received looks played it simple – case in point best actress nominee Jennifer Lawrence, who flaunted a body to die for in a plain red scoop-neck Calvin Klein dress (although, it did put me in mind of a Baywatch swimsuit…).
Celine Dion too was a surprising stunner in a pure white Armani Privé with a plunging neckline. Both Mandy Moore and Hailee Steinfeld opted for nude-tone dresses, with the former sporting a sea of sparkles across the bodice and in a band along her arms. Steinfeld went for a more traditional ballgown shape, which was a little safer than her previous red carpet looks, but kudos to the 14 year-old for taking a hand in designing the Marchesa dress herself.
On the darker side was Amy Adams in a twinkling deep sapphire number with a high neck – however she was let down by the clashing aqua jewellery and being almost too conservative (although the slit at the back made up for it). Reese Witherspoon also went for a super-plain black Armani Privé with a white band across the chest – elegant, yet a little on the unadventurous side.
Hell to the no:
Incidentally, the worst offenders came in lighter shades, starting with Melissa Leo’s high-collared giant doily of a dress, to Gwyneth Paltrow’s space-suit-inspired drabness (what is with that eyesore of a brooch?!), to the horrific 19th century nurse-maid that Florence Welch tried to emulate in a yellowing curtain. But the biggest disappointment was Nicole Kidman in an unflattering frosted strapless which added countless inches to her hips, and the thankless creasing material just made her look unkempt.
The best of the rest:
Epitomising Oscar glamour was Hilary Swank in a feathery Gucci Premiere with a glittering bodice (anywhere else this look would have earned her comparisons to Big Bird; at an extravagant event like the Oscars, it’s on the nose). Helen Mirren added to her stellar red carpet track record in a rich chocolate-grey satin Vivienne Westwood – the sleeves in particular were a highlight! But a fashion spotlight must be shone on best actress winner Natalie Portman, who opted for a delicious plum off-the-shoulder Rodarte that draped over her baby bump like it was made just for her – with some perfectly matching Tiffany tassel earrings. A winner in more ways than one!
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