Tuck that shirt in!

They scoff at the effort girls make for formal events. They chuckle when girls make a last dash into town to get those perfect earrings. They show up in their scruffy tuxedos, crinkly shirts and ridiculous colour schemes and, worst of all, they think that this is acceptable behaviour.

Well it’s not, and I’ve no idea why some people think it is. I know us men enjoy how fabulous the girls look on the night and the best way to show your appreciation is to return the favour and make an effort. And this is how you do it.

First things first. Imagine it is the night of the ball and you have just come out of the shower (yes that’s right - a shower is compulsory) and you are standing butt naked in your bedroom. I will assume that you have taken the trouble to put on some antiperspirant (sweat is never, EVER attractive), brushed your teeth and had a shave.

I know some of you will claim that your designer stubble is looking so hot right now, and so you might decide a shave isn’t necessary, but this is a formal do and therefore there is no room for your bum fluff. Those of you sporting something more impressive like a goatee or beard should make sure it’s trimmed.

So now we come to the eternal question: what are you going to wear? Well a CLEAN pair of underwear is a good place to start, and preferably a pair that won’t ride up above your trouser line during the event. Whatever the homies on the other side of the Atlantic are trying to tell us this is not, and will never be cool, especially on a formal occasion.

Now panted you have various options. Some won’t go for anything else but the classic tuxedo and I must admit this is a good look if done properly. Make sure your shirt is ironed and you have some suitable cufflinks (novelty cufflinks like the yellow card/red card ones are a no-no). Storage of your tux is key: make sure you hang it up and don’t tell yourself you will iron your trousers before the night because you never will. Trust me.

When it comes to bow-ties, always keep it black. Fake bow-ties are fine as long as they don’t look fake. Late on in the night, the untied-bow-tie-around-the-neck look is good but ONLY once you have hit the club. If you can’t handle having your bow-tie done up for a few hours just imagine the pain of wearing a suffocating dress or blistering shoes. You have it easy.

Speaking of shoes they have to be black and have to be polished. A really nice pair of shoes is a good investment and can tip the scales in your favour in the fashion stakes. This may be controversial but I think belts are stupid and best avoided. If your trousers fit why should you have to put up with a cumbersome piece of leather (with an inevitably unattractive buckle) around your waist? Only wear one if you have to. If you get stuck just think - what would James Bond do?

If you don’t have a tux, a suit is absolutely fine but make sure that you wear a tie. Usually a simple design is best and make sure it goes with your shirt. For the record there is nothing cool about a tie knot the size of your head like you’re a footballer. Skinny ties are definitely in – just think of Jude Law’s Alfie.

Over the line of acceptable

Waistcoats are fine but should not be worn on their own, and I have a personal hatred of coloured shirts with white collars. They always look horrible. In terms of colours, keep it simple, although your jacket and shoes have to be the same colour. If you're thinking of something a bit more extravagant, remember that there is a very, very fine line between being 'striking' and being a fashion joke. You have been warned. Having said that, something unusual can be useful as a conversation piece.

Dressing up is all about confidence, so if in doubt don’t wear it. And that’s really the most important thing: make sure you feel comfortable in what you are wearing and you should be fine. Just please, no jeans.

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