The periodic table: it's elementary

Marie hearts the periodic table, perhaps she should get a life?

But most of all, I miss the periodic table.

Since the concept was first introduced to my baffled 12-year-old self, it has never ceased to amaze me. Its wonders seem infinite. Indeed, when Mendeleev first imagined the table in 1869 (!), he did so in a very ingenious fashion: he arranged each (known) element by periods and groups based on their physical and chemical properties. But what really, really blows my mind is how everything else worked out. The gaps he had purposely left were eventually filled by elements that corresponded to the predicted properties.

Elements are therefore arranged by atomic number (i.e. number of protons) but also fit into groups (Alkali metals, Alkaline earth metals, Transition metals, Noble gases etc.) which correspond to the number of electrons present in the outermost energy level (or “shell”) providing the valency, which in turn tells you how elements will bond together. How cool is that? But that’s not it: the period number tells you how many energy levels there are. Fairly convenient, huh?

Marie loved Chem, can you tell why?

To me, the periodic table is nothing short of magic if one takes into account its other impressive feats: a number of trends can be observed—for periods 1-3: the atomic ratio decreases across the period and increases down the group whilst the electronegativity increases across the period and decreases down the group.

In short, many of life’s existential questions find their answers in this precious gem: “What is the atomic weight of Californium (Cf)?” “Why is I2 liquid at room temperature but Br2 solid?” “Why is Mercury Hg?” or “Why hasn’t he called yet?”

Well, you get my drift. My point is: no wonder Tom Leher sang it—it’s elementary (see what I did there?), fundamental, and just bloody awesome. Many a time have I flicked through my IB chemistry data booklet in idle hours (as one does) eyes wide with amazement, understanding, or more likely, confusion or jealousy. I will always envy those for whom Delta Hf, Cis-Trans isomerism or ligands have no secrets. But perhaps it’s a bit much to suggest that Mandeleev invented all that too.

Chemistry may not be my passion, but I will say this much: the periodic table is perhaps the most successful and coherent human venture to this day and should be celebrated – until someone can truly compile a “Hitchhicker’s Guide to the Galaxy” anyway.

Life became a metaphor for Chemistry: bond-breaking was endothermic, bond-making exothermic. People, school or marking systems changed across borders, but elements and formulae could always be trusted.

This subject helped me through high school in a way that no other subject did, providing a numbness of feeling that was comforting. My teacher’s sarcastic jokes and semi-sadistic comments (“Bromine’s nasty stuff—like me!”) were, for some time, the highlight of my high school years, coming back to a country I no longer felt was my own. Life became a metaphor for Chemistry: bond-breaking was endothermic, bond-making exothermic. People, school or marking systems changed across borders, but elements and formulae could always be trusted. NaCl was still salt and the periodic table retained that mystical quality that I have yet to adequately express and share.

• Tom Leher's "Element Song":

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