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The thing with getting out and meeting people is that, after a while, it becomes a routine - we settle into a comfort zone of laughing, smiling and cracking jokes. This is fine, although sometimes it helps to take an outsider’s perspective of how you come across, and strive to improve it. Here are 7 unattractive things that you may not know you’re doing.
1. Be intelligent, not academic. It goes without saying that intelligence is sexy - but being arrogant about it isn’t, and never has been. Assuming that you know more than most is seriously irritating, not to mention egotistic - for example, researching feminism or Marxism and then arguing everything from an absurd, almost comically irrelevant standpoint doesn’t sound smart; instead, you come off as pretentious and self-important. It’s better to take a more quietly modest, less ‘in-you-face’ approach to what you know. Trust me, it’s nothing new.
2. Don’t bitch. “To speak ill of others is just a dishonest way of praising ourselves.”- Again, this may seem obvious, but you’d be surprised how often we do this, even in passing. Bitching is one of the most unattractive things ever, since it almost always implies that we, with the authority to pass the comment, are superior than they whom we are insulting. People will take a ‘haters gonna hate’ attitude towards you, and will make a point of steering clear.
3. Stop swearing. Swearing every other word stopped being cool a while back, but a lot of people speak with profanity-laced brazenness, even today. I asked a few people exactly what it was that makes swearing so unattractive, and almost all of them concluded that it displays a lack of alternative, more appropriate vocabulary and sounded both crass and uninventive. Essentially, it makes the way we sound a lot worse than it has to be.
4. Listen. No - I mean, really listen. Hear everything that’s being said and then respond properly, while considering what the other person might be thinking or feeling. Don’t just think about how it applies to you or what how you can tie it in with your own personal experiences. That would be a pretty artificial conversation, without much real communication. A lot of people will claim to do this, but in reality are pretty self-centered when they are talking.
5. Rise above the little things. I don’t just mean getting over the fact that someone used your milk by accident - if you’re someone who can simply let stuff go, you’re just a lot more fun to be around than someone who’s tightly strung, inflexible and unforgiving. Don’t get annoyed because it’s raining or snarl at people because they gave you wrong directions. People make mistakes. Take a chill pill - it’s never the end of the world.
6. Apologise The greater the blunder, the more you have to do to make up for it. Don’t shy away from accountability - if it’s your fault, you have to apologise. Don’t just ignore it and hope it goes away - things get uncomfortable when people don’t face the music. Need I say more?
7. Don’t take yourself too seriously. This relates to the first and second points. “Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, for they will never cease to be amused.” Stand-up comedians do this all the time, which is why they are so funny. Try a bit of self-flagellant humour to make people more comfortable around you - it shows that you’re aware of your flaws, and that you know that you do, in fact, have some.
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