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Quietly going about my business at a urinal, I am distracted by the man next to me taking an improper interest in what I am doing. Mildly concerned, I angle my body away from him, only to be confronted by the man on the other side of me doing exactly the same thing. Much to my relief, neither of them laughed, but I was nonetheless pretty disconcerted by their open interest in my penis.
The situation became truly horrendous when a man who had just entered behind me craned his neck in order to get a view of my man parts. I finished up and fled the scene, not even stopping to wash my hands, thanking my lucky stars I don’t suffer from stage fright.
It was only once I had explained the situation to my friends that I was informed of the view held in parts of Asia that western men, without exception, are extraordinarily well-endowed. I can only hope I didn’t disappoint them. At first I was confident, but as time went on it ebbed slowly away. What if I had just done a great disservice to western men everywhere? What if they thought my organ quite small?
Men everywhere worry that their manhood isn’t as big as it should be, or that it won’t satisfy a lover. Companies across the world have exploited this fear, selling everything from pills to penis extenders, to surgery. None of these supposed remedies have been proven to have great impact, and most people that have tried them have been disappointed with the outcome.
Think before you speak: it could render your man useless
Unavoidably, size does matter. The bigger the penis, the bigger the man. No man wants to live with the fact that his penis is smaller than those of his friends and male relatives, and a man’s organ will always be the most sensitive part of his body. Sure, it hurts to be punched or kicked in that zone, but it hurts just as much to be told that you’re not up to scratch in the size stakes. An ex-girlfriend who talks negatively about your cooking or timekeeping is easily forgotten, but one who questions your size is a creature worthy of true hatred.
This ‘revelation’, though hardly a surprising one, is not meant to encourage girls to be disparaging towards the penises of boyfriends past and present. It is a serious issue. Suggesting that a man’s penis is not as big as it should be causes a man hurt even greater than the sort experienced by a woman when somebody refers to her saggy boobs or massive arse. Some men have been known to suffer from impotence as a result of such comments. So think before you speak: it could render your man useless.
Of course, my anecdote misses the crucial point it is a myth that there is any sort of correlation between penis size and race. It is also myth that tall men have bigger penises. There is debate over what the average size is, but it is widely believed to be between 3 and 4 inches when the penis is not erect. Most erect penises are about the same length, as larger penises increase in size by a smaller percentage than smaller specimens. The average erect penis measures approximately 6.5 inches.
Stereotypes along the lines of ‘big man, big manhood’ have no basis in reality, so if you’re standing next to a seven-foot tall giant with the biggest pair of feet you’ve ever seen in your life, never fear. Chances are his manhood is no bigger than yours. Hell, it could even be smaller. Screw it, let’s be really optimistic. Yours could positively dwarf his.
Have you ever thought that you’ve just been looking at the little guy from the wrong angle? The view you get of your penis, which should be from above, inevitably makes your penis look a lot smaller. By the same token, if you happen to take a fleeting glance at the willy of another man, his looks bigger. The guy staring at you in the shower gets a different view. A better view. He’s probably in awe at your dong. He’s probably sinking into the same kind of depression you were before you came to this realisation.
In reality, penis size doesn’t matter, it’s what’s on the inside that counts, blah blah blah. Penises are without doubt important. They are a man’s coat of arms. Our pride. Our joy. Our greatest insecurity. But don’t worry, you’re probably bigger than you think. And even if you’re not, the chances of you being the smallest are extraordinarily slim. Take pride in your manhood, men, and all will be well.
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