Age and reading from the same page.

Do you know what happens behind closed doors?

The situation was stereotypical; my friend, who was the birthday boy for the weekend, has been seeing a 17 year old girl from back home for little over a month. It was going well, they were both happy. Simple it would seem. But had the emotional outlook of a younger girl and older guy had a huge effect on their definition of ‘relationship’?

Their differing viewpoints are essentially the heart of the problem; he is young and footloose and tries to be lad about the town. To him, it’s a game of alpha male, and foolishly has decided that getting a younger girl is the best way to be macho. He still lacks respect of women due to the pull a night, shag a week university lifestyle he’s accustomed to. This is definitely proving that age is not the deciding factor here, he is older, yet because of this attitude, he can’t settle down. He doesn’t understand it. She, on the other hand, is besotted with him, sending him love letters, clearly with a view to a serious relationship. The poor girl doesn’t know what he gets up to at uni, and he likes to keep it that way. It’s incredibly unhealthy and deceiving.

Now I’m not saying that every guy who is older than their girlfriend will do this. This is a specific case, but it brings out some issues that need to be addressed if you’re to have a successful relationship. Much like the ‘Deal Breakers’, there are things you should watch out for when you do take the older – younger step.

In this instance, she is young and impressionable. He is older, tripping on his ego, thinking he’s the playboy. So there is a lack of respect on one side and naivety on the other. He shows her one side of his character and keeps the other behind the locked doors of university. The benefit for him is that she is too far away to know any different. I think it’s very easy to be charming to a girl, and only show her half the story. When you haven’t had the experience to know any different it’s very easy to fall for men who are not a hundred percent truthful. He may like her, but he’s not willing to sharpen up his act; without rethinking his emotional outlook on relationships he won't learn either.

The ‘lad’ culture of university today has taken its toll on him and as such he has pretty much sold his soul to the idea that girls are expendible luxuries. To me, this suggests that age doesn’t necessarily mean maturity. Men should date girls who are their equal; if she did the same to him I’m sure he would hit the roof. Because of her age, her innocence means she is trusting. This sounds as though I would suggest every girl should check up on their boyfriend in case of cheating, but what I mean to say is, being young and trusting and being taken in by the ‘older man’ should be done with care. Know them first, observe them, learn about them, and then make the commitment to going out with them. Don’t jump at something you’re not totally sure of.

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