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By using something that’s obviously a line, you’ve set up the dynamic of you trying to impress the girl. You’ll see a very common theme in my articles: trying to impress girls = bad. Trying to impress them means you feel the need to impress them which communicates, on some level, you think the girl is better than you.
Would a genuinely attractive guy who has a lot of stuff going on in his life feel the need to impress some girl who he doesn’t even know just because she’s pretty? If the answer to this question isn’t an obvious no then you need to change the way you see the world and what you value. Beauty is common. Other things are way more impressive. When you’re talking to a girl you’ve just met you should be listening to what she actually has to say and deciding whether you think she would be a cool person to have in your life. You shouldn’t have already decided she’s good enough for you because she’s hot.
What should you say to girls then? Anything, literally anything you want. The words you’re actually saying mean very little. How you are speaking means everything. Speak with energy and passion. If you find it interesting, so will she. Keep things spontaneous and fun. There’s a time to connect with a girl on a deeper level but a night out isn’t it. Show that you’re an outgoing, sociable guy and she will make time to connect with you later.
I’ve come to the conclusion that, on a night out at least, you can really chat complete sh*t to a girl and she’ll still find you attractive. Seriously, lower the standard of what you think it’s acceptable to say to girls. (Especially if they’re from York St Johns!) If you think it’s good enough to say, then it is. Also thinking of clever, funny things to say means your head and not in the moment. I can’t even begin to describe how important this is.
Girls are emotional creatures, not logical ones. Obviously women can think just as logically as men when they need to, but it’s not what they most respond to. Attraction is based on emotion. If you want the girl to respond to you emotionally then you need to communicate on this level and not on a verbal one. You will never be able to convince a girl to like you. It just doesn’t work like that.
Don’t try to entertain the girl. That doesn’t mean be boring, and gormless. You can still entertain her and be fun to be around. But do it by entertaining yourself. Be fun, be the party, but make it seem like you’re doing it just because you’re that sort of guy. A guy who is always fun to be around and that doesn’t just put his entertainer persona on when talking to an attractive girl. Who knows, you might eventually become that guy.
A couple of technical things. Not always, but most of the time talking too fast is an unattractive quality. It conveys that you’re probably the sort of guy that gets interrupted a lot so you feel the need to rush whatever you have to say before someone cuts you off. So if you talk too fast, you may want to slow it down. Also make sure your vocal tonality doesn’t change when talking to a girl you like. A lot of guys put on a supplicating voice tone when talking to a hot girl without even realising it. Make sure you don’t.
'Girls are emotional creatures, not logical ones'
Have you ever actually met a girl?
I'm definately not an emotional creature, and I'm pretty sure there are many more girls out there who are also not.
I agree with the above comment, it's a bit of a sweeping statement isn't it? This preconception that women are ruled by their emotions drives me crazy. If you want to appeal to the opposite sex, not insulting them with broad generalisations would be a fantastic start.
comment deleted by a moderator Um, surely it is perfectly logical to go for someone you have a natural attraction to rather than someone you think looks good on paper? And connecting 'verbally' and 'emotionally' aren't mutually exclusive either.
Why don't you just save yourself the effort of writing these columns and just tell us all to read some Neil Strauss?
If you're going to try and pawn someone else's ideas off as your own at least try and do it tactfully.
His first article was about Neil Strauss to be fair.
Also, I don't know if you've read Neil Strauss but this article is literally the EXACT OPPOSITE of what he is most famous for saying.
Pretty sure this article just blew your chances, Mr Hitchens, with any of your female readership.
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